1. Disclaimer
We here at On Fire have struggled lately with being racist.
We have not actually been actually racist to the point where we have offended any real-life human beings.
It’s been more of an awkward struggle with the higher-ups where apparently we aren’t very politically-correct.
We live in a post-racial society now. Referring to people as “white” or “black” is pointless because we don’t see color, man!
This isn’t the 90s or some sh-t.
Instead, whenever we introduce you to a new athlete we will share the athlete’s hometown and an exciting Wikipedia fun fact about their hometown.
If you are ever made to feel uncomfortable by an On Fire piece, please contact our editor-in-chief or our copy chief.
Now let’s get to the sports issues everyone wants to talk about.
2. Kevin Ware
Holy sh-t did you see what happened to Kevin Ware (Disclaimer: Kevin Ware is a basketball player from Conyers, Ga. The per capita income of Conyers is $15,805, according to Wikipedia).
Of course you saw what happened to Kevin Ware, everyone saw what happened to Kevin Ware.
The poor guy was playing for Louisville this weekend when he jumped and landed awkwardly on his leg.
Awkwardly is without a doubt the understatement of the century. The part of his leg that’s above his knee went one way and the rest of his leg went the other way.
The bone straight up broke through the skin and was out in the open for everyone to see.
As he writhed in pain, we saw players and coaches on both teams either crying or gagging, unable to process what they had just seen.
Coach K (Disclaimer: Coach K is a basketball coach from Chicago, Ill. According to Wikipedia, the median income for a family living in Chicago is $43,638), who we never see humanized, had tears streaming down his face.
We hear at On Fire send our prayers out to Kevin Ware and his family as Ware recovers from this injury.
We can’t even imagine what he is going through. It’s kinda hard not to root for Louisville for the rest of the tournament now.
3. FGCU
So wow, that really sucks that FGCU had to lose.
They were really exciting throughout the tournament and if they had actually made it all the way through to the final four, it would have without a doubt been the story of the tournament.
It still is kind of the story of the tournament (who really cares about Wichita State?).
FGCU was not just barely beating teams, they were obliterating teams with their high-flying acrobatics and awesome dunks. Anyway, that’s over now. One unresolved issue we here at On Fire have with the team: doesn’t guard Brett Corner look a lot like a future/current meth user?
Ok, you’re right. That’s bordering on breaking our rule from earlier about political correctness.
Brett Corner hails from Winter Park, Fla. According to Wikipedia, Scenic Olde Winter Park area is punctuated by small, winding brick streets, and a canopy of old southern live oak and camphor trees, draped with Spanish moss.
4. Britney Griner
Here is maybe the biggest story of the week. Britney Griner (Disclaimer: Griner is a women’s basketball player from Houston, Texas. According to wikipedia, the median income for a family living in Houston is $40,000), and the Baylor Bears finally lost a basketball game.
Sadly enough, this game was in the NCAA tournament. The team had won 74 of their last 75 games, including 32 straight.
They were also the defending NCAA championships. It might have been okay if Griner and Baylor had just casually lost. Everyone would have been sad, but we would have all understood that the game was fair.
Sadly the game crossed the line of physical, with Griner being borderline attacked on every play.
The refs “let the players play” when they should have intervened. Sad.
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