1. A-Rod, Future Player Union Champion? Nah.

The Alex Rodriguez versus Major League Baseball (MLB) smackdown was already quite contentious these past few months. MLB is trying to take out A-Rod with a 211 game suspension for, gasp, performance enhancing drugs, which at his advanced age means taking out his career.

That means nearly $100 million worth of contract is at stake, and, more importantly of course, his LEGACY. Somehow, someway, things are getting more explicit.

A-Rod was in New York for his grievance hearing before an arbitrator. You know how long these things take to play out, and, well, poop hit the fan.

At the hearing, A-Rod shouted, “This is ridiculous!” and unleashed a string of expletives directly at the MLB chief operating officer, who is heading the investigation.

If you must know, A-Rod pointed his finger at the guy and yelled “This is f—ing bulls—!” What set him off was the decision that the MLB commissioner, aka “the man from Milwaukee,” would not be required to testify.

Stick it to the man, A-Rod. Don’t take this MLB shafting sitting down. A-Rod later issued a statement that said “I am disgusted with this abusive process, designed to ensure that the player fails.” You see, A-Rod is the player’s crusader, fighting systemic injustice and authoritarian governance.

Major League Baseball is trying to make an example out of their past-his-prime darling. The fat TV contracts are already signed; the revenue streams run deep. Sitting flush, it’s time to root out the unsavory elements that delivered you to your throne. A-Rod is the dark knight, and this is his redemption.

Nah, A-Rod is just trying to preserve that kush contract. Railroaded he has been, but this is all about Alex. Actually, the one thing that may redeem his legacy is if he turned himself into a player’s champion.

The guy who signed the top two most lucrative sports contracts of all time – his black bat is too slow to whip through the zone, but is his clearly sharp mouth advocating for the welfare of his fellow players? That would be somethin’.

But the sun will rise in the west and set in the east, the seas will go dry and the mountains will blow in the wind like leaves before that happens.

A-Rod and his super-team of lawyers will fight tooth and nail against MLB’s arbitrary suspension, and the latter will get their fees while the former will be handsomely paid either way. For the time being, he will blast away and go out guns blazin’.

 

2. Seriously, when is Game of Thrones coming out?

Okay, the series is technically called A Song of Ice and Fire, but, thanks to HBO, GoT is the preferred parlance. When is the next book coming out!? SPOILER alert y’all. If you only watch the show, stop reading and turn on Netflix or something.

So many questions. Four daggers in the dark are awfully hard to handle. Move a little south and you have the true iron trying to take Winterfell, but there are so many pieces. One may be broken, but then there’s the bard and the scheming fat man, as well as the villainous leech guy. And can we please hit up Greywater Watch, like finally?

A bit to the east, the chaos master seems to be consolidating his grip on the Vale. But seriously, how can a guy with no armies hope to actually control the East, the North and the Riverlands? He’ll call on his ‘bannerman,’ and they’ll be like, ‘yo funny joke dude.’ Of course, there’s also the traumatized auburn maiden who may finally be shedding her pawn status.

King’s Landing is in flux, but low cunning Cersei has been neutralized. She is so stupid and emotional! But actually. Objective fact, read her POVs. And is that pretender dragon red? Black? Any color at all? Hope the Princess uses her wiles to find out, if you know what I mean.

Finally, there is the biggest chest piece on the board, hanging out in Slaver’s Bay. (Well, technically one is a bit far away at the moment, but she’ll be there.) You know you’re a big piece when other sizable pieces are gravitating to you: the squid, the little lion. Thank god you got Barristan Selmy, though–that guy is an OG. And send my regards to the wild cards, Bran and Arya. Poor Stark children.

Emory Wheel
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The Emory Wheel was founded in 1919 and is currently the only independent, student-run newspaper of Emory University. The Wheel publishes weekly on Wednesdays during the academic year, except during University holidays and scheduled publication intermissions.

The Wheel is financially and editorially independent from the University. All of its content is generated by the Wheel’s more than 100 student staff members and contributing writers, and its printing costs are covered by profits from self-generated advertising sales.