These hacks are brought to you by Doolino. The DUC is back and better than ever. From familiar faces like Pasta John’s making a comeback to strange reinventions like getting a Bop it to rename the deli, the Dobbs Market has seen its final evolution before its inevitable demise. Until the hallowed temple providing freshman with the majority of their nutrition is naught but rubble, here are a few new hacks to enhance your dining experience.
Hack 1: Chicken on Waffles
Had a late Friday night and want to make a poor man’s chicken and waffles? This is doable, yet tricky. On weekend mornings, claim your chicken from the gril- oh sorry, “Fireside” section. Make a waffle following the machine’s easy instructions near the milk. When complete, douse your plate with maple syrup in a calorific gesture that screams “this is America.” A pinch of salt on top of your recipe for a sugar induced coma balances out the plate, in the way the third movement of Janacek’s “Sinfonietta’s” light flute melodies are balanced by a deeper droning brass. I will admit: texturally, this is not quite the real thing as the fireside section’s chicken is not coated in breadcrumbs , so a few curly fries on top can potentially remedy the lack of crunch in the dish.
Bone App the Teeth!
Hack 2: Spicy Mashed Potatoes
Thanks to the efforts of the people at the Fireside station, students are blessed with a constant stream of mashed potatoes. The dish defines comfort food, its creamy texture enhanced by a subtle umami. But sometimes, after you’ve had something safe and comfortable for too long, it is time to spice things up (unfortunately this same sentence produced a less than satisfactory response from my Doolina). Soak your mash with approximately two tablespoons of chilli sauce from next to the Italian station (or three if you’re feeling naughty). Sprinkle some chilli flakes on top and mix untill the potatoes assume a rosy pink color. With the kick of the sauce, new life is breathed into your bowl of banal potatoes.
Hack 3: Chip Butty
Emory is all about celebrating international culture. This includes the culture of our friends across the pond: the British. The “chip butty” (chip as in french fry, butty as in butter) is a dish that idolizes the main pillar of British culture: simplicity. Acquire two slices of (preferably white) bread from the deli and request it to be toasted (alternatively, get the bread and toast it yourself). Then generously spread butter on top of one slice of bread and add a reasonable amount of ketchup. The kicker? French fries. The combination might seem unholy, a spawn of the deepest ring of hell perhaps. One bite into this sinful combination will change that mindset. The bread envelops a journey that transforms the palate to a gastronomic Elysium; the slight sweetness of the ketchup blends seamlessly with the saltiness of the fries in a culinary yin-yang. All of this is clasped tightly to the soft bosom of the butter, which excites your tongue, causing it to beg for more.
Is it sinful? Yes. Is this a healthy eating guide? Absolutely not.