1. A Really Long List
The Atlantic recently came out with a list of the top 50 innovations since the invention of the wheel. In honor of this, and in the interest of the continued Buzzfeed-ization of American journalism, here is On Fire‘s “Top 50 Cool Things That Have Happened Since the Invention of The Emory Wheel.”
1. Kanye
2. Kimye
3. North West
4. Twitter
5. Facebook
6. The Internet
7. Blogs
8. Memes
9. Societal Meme-ification
10. ESPN
11. Warren Sapp
12. Michael Jordan (Baseball)
13. BTK Killer
14. Emory becomes good school
15. Emory becomes less good
16. Rise of the SEC
17. ~Passion Pit~
18. Apple Computers
19. CDOs
20. ETFs
21. Coca-Cola
22. iMessage
23. Pepsi
24. Microsoft
25. Affirmative Action
26. BBM
27. No More BBM
28. BBM Again?
29. The Spoke
30. Jared the Subway guy
31. R. Kelly
32. Dunkin’ Donuts
33. Clorox Bleach
34. Selfies
35. Google Chrome
36. The VMAs
37. Jolly Ranchers
38. Color Printing
39. Nuclear Bomb
40. Tablet Computers
41. Britney Spears
42. Cocaine being cool
43. America being the best
44. China almost being the best
45. Mozilla Firefox
46. ~Millenials~
47. Swine Flu
48. Civil Rights
49. Spotify
50. Bullying
2. This Is Halloween
Point of discussion: how did Tim Burton figure out which weird and frightening creatures would be featured in “The Nightmare Before Christmas?”
Think about it. The movie’s famous song “This Is Halloween” includes several descriptions of strange beings, including “the one hiding under your bed,” who has pointy teeth and red eyes, a strange man hiding under your bed who has snakes for fingers and spiders in his hair and a “clown with a tear-away face.” Not to mention that the movie’s antagonist is a large, walking bag of insects. Hell, its protagonist is a freakin’ skeleton. That sings.
Conspicuously absent is any sort of ghost, witch, zombie, sexy nurse or any another Halloween mainstay. What was Tim Burton thinking? More accurately, why in the world was this a children’s movie?
Rant over. For the record, your On Fire correspondent has yet to figure out any sort of Halloween costume, so leave a comment if you have any ideas.
3. This Is Still Halloween
This sports season has had some truly scary instances. Case in point: The Red Sox, secretly a team of bearded axe murderers, winning the world series. Nick Saban revealing himself as a brutal, emotionless robot bent on terminating the human race, and Baylor being good at football.
4. ON FIRE HAS BEEN HIJACKED
Hello. Sometimes I wish there was a cricket team in America that was taken seriously :(. I also like to play golf, and my friends always criticize me for being bourgeoise, but it’s not my fault I like to drink mimosas and play golf with my daddy. He calls me daddy’s caddy. I hope no one reads about this because I do believe in Marxism but sometimes ideology and pragmatism have no intersection, though I wish it did. But then I guess I should move somewhere else, perhaps a place where there is a cricket team and Socialist policies. But I digress. Anyways, golf is nice. I like to hit balls really hard.
The Emory Wheel was founded in 1919 and is currently the only independent, student-run newspaper of Emory University. The Wheel publishes weekly on Wednesdays during the academic year, except during University holidays and scheduled publication intermissions.
The Wheel is financially and editorially independent from the University. All of its content is generated by the Wheel’s more than 100 student staff members and contributing writers, and its printing costs are covered by profits from self-generated advertising sales.
