Aries
Switch up your personal style now that it’s spring! I mean, you kind of have to. You simply can’t keep wearing your awesome parka and cozy fleece scarf in this warm weather.
Taurus
Now, what would you rather be doing: writing a long, gushy, oddly comma-free post on Emory Secrets about your crush or actually talking to your crush? That’s what I thought. Just put in more commas as you write this time.
Gemini
Go get what you want this week, Gemini. Make no excuses or apologies. No ifs, ands or buts. Hee hee, butts. But seriously, stop sitting on yours, wishing for what you want.
Cancer
Flustered Cancer, take a break from your busy life and look at some cat gifs on Tumblr. Unless you were already on Tumblr looking at cat gifs, in which case, switch it up and look at wacky dog gifs, you trailblazer.
Leo
Netflix now has Cartoon Network shows (because dreams do come true), and you’re really tempted to crawl under the covers and relive your childhood. If you’re reading this on Friday afternoon, go ahead. If you’re reading this on Tuesday morning, you may want to hold off.
Virgo
Good things are coming your way in your career sector, Virgo. No, it’s not donuts at the next meeting. Unless you bring them. Then there will definitely be good things coming your way in your career sector.
Libra
Believe in the power of words, intellectual Libra, and adopt a motto to inspire you. Mark Zuckerberg’s is “Move Fast, and Break Things,” and Timon and Pumbaa’s is “Hakuna Matata.” House Stark’s motto is “Winter is Coming,” but that’s not terribly inspirational.
Scorpio
Fiery Scorpio, try to hold your temper this week. If you must yell, don’t take it out on the cashier or your friends or your roommate. Yell at the squirrels on campus, they can’t speak people languages (to my knowledge), and the Emory squirrels really just don’t give a flying … um, squirrel.
Sagittarius
Stop evaluating your own life based on the cutesy Facebook couples, the congratulatory job updates on LinkedIn, the amazing vacation Instagram photos and the drool-worthy Pinterest cookies. Here’s what you didn’t see: the girlfriend grudgingly picking up the boyfriend’s dirty socks, the hours spent filling out job applications, the price of the plane ticket and the “did a tornado come in here?” kitchen.
Capricorn
You have knots in your stomach, and you don’t quite know why. Never fear, we’ll get to the bottom of this. You can start by stopping your habit of eating strings and ropes.
Aquarius
They say, “If you shoot for the moon, don’t worry if you miss because you’ll land among the stars.” Well, if your aim is so terrible that you manage to miss not only the moon but the other planetary bodies in our solar system and end up floating aimlessly in space until you reach a star that isn’t our Sun … this metaphor is getting away from me. Just have backups, is all.
Pisces
Choose your battles wisely in love, work, school and Pokemon. I know you still play, don’t lie to me. Are you excited for the release of X and Y?
Horoscopes by Grace Cummings
The Emory Wheel was founded in 1919 and is currently the only independent, student-run newspaper of Emory University. The Wheel publishes weekly on Wednesdays during the academic year, except during University holidays and scheduled publication intermissions.
The Wheel is financially and editorially independent from the University. All of its content is generated by the Wheel’s more than 100 student staff members and contributing writers, and its printing costs are covered by profits from self-generated advertising sales.
