April Lawyer/Staff Illustrator
“What even is a gap year?” I was repeatedly asked this question during my own gap year. In the minds of many people I have encountered, a gap year is a thinly-veiled excuse for recent graduates to indulge in selfish and unproductive activities. This stereotypical idea evokes images of privileged teenagers engaging in excessive partying as they travel the world, wasting both precious money and time. However, I have found that a gap year can be a valuable way to gain new skills and enrich personal growth.
Gap years and semesters have become more popular in recent years, yet lasting stereotypes reveal truths about the prominent emphasis on productivity at Emory University, as well as at other competitive colleges and universities. Contrary to myths about gap years, a year off can be just as valuable and productive as other uses of time that are perceived as more efficient, like a year at college.
Throughout my gap year, people insistently prodded into specific details to determine if my time off was earned. People deemed my desire for a break as unacceptable, valuing individuals’ worth based solely on tangible experiences. I found myself defending my choice to take a gap year to anyone who asked. Consequently, each word I uttered became more to defend my actions to myself than to a stranger. I should not have felt compelled to reaffirm my choice of a gap year. I studied abroad for three months, took a local university course and read over 30 books — I had a worthwhile experience.
Upon my arrival at Emory, I soon realized that students here would be even more dismayed at my choice to take a year off. During my first semester, my story elicited shock and judgment as I confessed to my gap year and, subsequently, my age. Suddenly, I was transformed into many Emory students’ worst nightmare: someone who was directionless and unambitious.
It is no secret that the students at Emory are driven and extremely motivated. We all feel continuous pressure to make the most of the opportunities and privileges that Emory offers, but this mindset bleeds into personal perceptions of self worth. Fear of failure is both a silent motivator and an enabler of feelings of inadequacy. At Emory, the popular confines of pre-professionalism provide security and guidance, yet they limit the possible exploration of self-actualization. With so many students starting their college experience with perceived notions of their career paths and how to achieve their goals, time becomes the constant enemy. Instead of viewing time as the facilitator of achieving new insights about one’s self through experiences, it is something that we must efficiently utilize to achieve tangible and noteworthy accomplishments.
Despite the occasional negative reaction and my own qualms about it, I do not regret my gap year. I still worry about the passage of time and my age when I graduate, yet I remember that the moments of spontaneity during my gap year taught me that inner fulfillment can materialize in different ways. My most prized memory begins when I boarded a train headed to a small town nestled in the Spanish countryside. A Dominican nun, an old friend of my grandma, resides within the labyrinth of sun-soaked buildings. Her abundant joy at my visit and her reflections about her life in a monastery opened my eyes to the beautiful potential and value of life.
The majority of Sor (Sister) María Alianza’s life seems unimaginable to modern eyes. She received a new name, country and language and has existed with little contact with the outside world. As we sat under paintings of the Virgin Mary, she shared that she’s lived a fulfilled life — something that I aspire to ultimately say one day. Achieving fulfillment and success follows a nonlinear path. When I look back on my gap year, I remember not just the moments of loneliness and vulnerability but also the beauty and fulfillment of my unwavering commitment to myself. Time is invaluable, but so are the indescribable experiences of growth and self-realization.
“What even is a gap year?” Finally, I can answer this question. A gap year is a year off to embrace the unravelment of personal values, abilities and identities. For recent graduates and incoming college students, do not let the fear of wasted time deter you from taking a gap year. If feasible for you, a gap year can facilitate growth of independence and self-worth. In truth, there is so much time to explore and collect fulfilling experiences that could potentially amount to nothing in the eyes of others. It is the personal, fleeting feelings and inner triumphs that make these life experiences worth living.
Lydia Bearss (27C) is from St. Paul, Minn.
