Note: The individuals in this article are fictitious.
When the University made the tough decision to cancel all spring sports, students were left to face another semester without proper entertainment. Many students have made the best out of a difficult situation by finding new ways to entertain themselves. Sports may be cancelled this Spring, but the competitive spirit ingrained into our student body still perseveres through these trying times.
With the Woodruff Physical Education Center closed, Emory students have been devoid of incomparable indoor stimulus for months. In its replacement, students have fiercely taken up Beyblade competitions in the open spaces throughout campus. Masked individuals literally gather around small arenas in several undisclosed locations across campus.
Participants, who wished to remain anonymous, claim these spinning toys have far more significance since the cancellation of spring sports.
“I first got involved with the sport back in 2003,” the individual said. “My Beyblade had been sitting in the closet collecting dust. These matches can get pretty intense. I lost my left kidney in one of them, but won the deed to another guy’s house later the same day.”
The stakes are high in the Beyblade community, but that’s not the only way students are keeping themselves busy. Several bros have set up permanent residence on the quad, where they throw frisbees and hack some sack at all hours of the day. The Wheel was lucky to speak with one of these broskis just after a hacky sack tournament concluded.
“It was a tough decision for me and my family,” he said. “I was initially disappointed when I found out we were going to be entirely online this semester. Ultimately, my family and I finally decided that it’d be best if we went full time on the quad. Now I have total freedom to chill with my bros, toss some disc or hack some sack. I’m living the dream.”
The pandemic has inundated all parts of campus life, and with aquatic facilities also closed in the spring, swimmers have been forced to get creative. Swimming outdoors is superior anyway, and a handful began swimming in the creek behind the Peavine parking deck.
“I love the sour taste the water provides,” one swimmer, covered in sewage, noted. “You can’t really see anything when you’re in the water, but after you do it a couple times you get the feel of it. I’ve only cut my foot twice. Others haven’t been so lucky.”
It’s clear the Emory student body has been resilient through these uncertain times. But some student athletes are worried about the prospect of a virtual fall semester.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do if fall sports are canceled too,” a student athlete lamented. “I don’t know what else I can do to entertain myself. I might actually start to focus on my classes. Something needs to change.”
Jack Hudson is from Atlanta. Contact Hudson at email@example.com.
The views represented in this article are the writer’s own. Read more of the Wheel’s satire under Emory Life and contact Emory Life Editor Angela Tang at firstname.lastname@example.org if you’re interested in writing satire.
Jack Hudson (22C) is from Atlanta, Georgia, majoring in environmental science. He is a goalkeeper for the Emory men’s soccer team and a transfer from the University of Kentucky, where he also played soccer. Outside of class, Hudson enjoys volunteering at the Blue Heron Nature Preserve and skateboarding.