Every time a student at Emory University enters a public bathroom, they enter battle mode. From the unknown liquids splattered on the toilet seat to the pungent smell that hangs in the air, it takes a certain kind of tenacity to relieve yourself while acutely uncomfortable. Here at Emory, the spectrum of bathrooms is quite polar, but if you follow my advice, you can avoid having to go in the worst possible way.

The most important rule to follow in your quest for the best bathroom ultimately relies on location. Bathrooms situated in busy areas have a lot of foot traffic and subsequently host subpar conditions. These kinds of bathrooms often have sticky floors and clogged toilets in addition to absolutely no privacy. Thus, if you ever need to catch up on some reading, you’ll have to face other bathroom-goers and bear the shame of creating a toxic cloud.

This overuse means students should avoid bathrooms in both the DUC and Cox Computing Center. Although the DUC bathroom boasts a nifty Dyson hand dryer, you’ll quickly discover it’s out-of-order, which comes as quite the disappointment. In addition, the bathroom’s sticky floors are so loud, each step sounds like a loud quack following your every move. Although Cox Computing Center might contain comfy couches, its bathroom has barely any space. When you step into a stall, you can practically hear people grunting in the stall next door. You’ll want to get out of there as soon as you enter.

Whatever you do, never use a bathroom on Eagle Row. While your night’s various activities might have you itching to take a leak, as soon as you set foot inside such a death trap you’ll immediately regret your decision. Not only will the line run out the door, but once inside you’ll find a freshman or two sitting next to a toilet in the midst of learning their bodies’ limits. Belligerent partygoers will shoo you out as quickly as possible in order to use the bathroom themselves. All in all, the experience will haunt the rest of your Emory career.

While these bathrooms are definitively terrible, it should be noted that bathrooms can differ from gender to gender. In the Atwood Chemistry Center, the men’s bathroom feels like a dream. With bright orange walls and a spacious area surrounding the high-water pressure sinks, you’ll walk out having experienced the highlight of your day. However, female students  report that the women’s stalls are not as welcoming and that the feminine waste bins are rarely cleaned and often go unemptied, ruining the day of anyone who happens to look inside.

If you are seeking a luxurious bathroom escapade, check out the Oxford Road Building. After taking the first step inside, your nostrils will fill with the smell of freshness and your eyes will be treated to beautiful blue walls. The toilets are kept pristine for prospective students, and glowing lights surround each mirror, making you feel like a celebrity. Another great restroom hides inside the Modern Languages Building. Few people know of its existence, so if you ever need a quiet place to do your business; this place is a safe haven.

All in all, no bathroom compares to the one at home. The fuzzy carpet that envelops your feet and the warm, cushy toilet seat underneath you will always outshine any bathroom at Emory. Next time you visit the parents, take some time to cherish the small things that make a bathroom special.