Contributing writer Mariana Hernandez interviewed IFC President Victor Rudo to discover his deepest, darkest secrets. The results of her investigation were shocking.

If you could be a superhero, what power would you have, and what would you call yourself?

I think I would call myself Batman, but with an invisibility cloak and a gun. I would have definitely let the Joker fall. No mercy.

What is the most awkward moment you’ve had?

One time I found a piece of hair in my DUC sandwich, but I ate it anyway. The next time I saw Miss Angela, there was a weird tension between us. I think we both knew why.

If you had to work at the DUC, what food station would you work at?

Probably the sandwich station so I never have to worry about getting a hair in my sandwich again, or if I did get a hair in my sandwich, it would be my own hair, so that’s fine probably. It’s like pure protein.

What is the perfect theme song for your life? Why?

Anything by Zac Brown Band. There’s no reason why, I just like Zac Brown and his band.

If you could choose any animal to be your fateful steed, what would it be? Why?

An elephant. I could easily ride around campus without getting sweaty before class and never have to dodge the crowds on the Cox Hall Bridge. Also elephants can climb up stairs. I don’t know that for a fact, but I did get an A in biology for non-science majors, so I am basically a biologist or something.

What’s the best prank you’ve ever pulled?

In the interest of maintaining my good relationship with the EPD night shift, I cannot comment.

What is the best place to take a quick nap on campus?

The back row of any large lecture hall, assuming you’re not trying to get an A or anything.