Are you going to the Super Bowl this year? No? Wow, you are a loser.
Thankfully, there are places at Emory and throughout Atlanta where you can watch the game with other losers.
The Emory Residence Hall Association (RHA) will be hosting viewing parties for the game at not one, but two locations on Emory’s campus!
One of these will be at Harland Cinema, the other is at the Student Activity and Academic Center (SAAC) on the Clairmont Campus. RHA’s website promises party favors and encourages you to “join [them] this spring to cheer on your favorite team.”
There are so many problems with this statement!
First off, it is not the spring, and second off, your favorite team is probably not in the Super Bowl.
But yeah, party favors are nice, and RHA is full of friendly people ready to watch the Big Game with you.
“What makes a T.MAC a T.MAC?” asks Taco Mac’s website. This is a philosophical question that has plagued humankind for ages, but the short answer is “a place that you can watch the Super Bowl with your friends if you and your friends hate RHA.”
That was a medium-longish answer. Taco Mac is a sports bar chain with two nearby locations in Decatur and Virginia Highlands, both of which are great hot spots to settle down with some nachos or a burger and watch grown men in tights gradually dislodge their brains.
STATS, a bar in downtown Atlanta near the Georgia Aquarium and the World of Coke, advertises itself as “serious food and serious sports.”
If you are not serious about either food or sports, do not go to STATS or terrible things will likely happen to you. If you are serious about these things, feel free to enjoy a nice meal and several large televisions strategically positioned around the bar to create the most serious viewing experience possible.
Your Own Room
Think of the convenience! You won’t even have to leave your own couch! Your friends will love you for it! Make guacamole.
— By Ryan Smith, Features Editor