1. Tryna Bring Back Some Tebow.

Pats coach Bill Belichick continues to try to prove he can do more with less. Thirty-six-year-old franchise QB Tom Brady had guys named Kenbrell Thompkins, Julian Edelman, Josh Boyce and Aaron Dobson at wide receiver Thursday night. At tight end? Michael Hoomanawanui and Matthew Mulligan. A far cry from the Robaron Gronknandez duo.

No love for Tebow? He can provide some offensive depth right? Yup the Pats dearth of offensive weapons was just a pretext to wax poetic on Tim Tebow. (Fire up Google images On Fire groupies, and input “Tebow shirtless.” We’re talking Greek God, nahmean.)

So what if his latest contract offer came from Gene Simmons’ Arena football league? So what if his hometown Jaguars ‘scored’ two points in Week One and haven’t even sniffed at Tebow?

“He can’t throw,” detractors say. “He is too indecisive and overmatched,” clamor the critics. “He simply sucks,” says Mark Sanchez. Pseudo-truths.

No one’s down to change their system to fit his talents. Coach John Fox tried that two seasons ago, won a playoff game, reinserted the Broncos franchise into the national scene and promptly signed Peyton Manning. Peyton was coming off a spine fusion. And some neck surgeries. Tebow, you got to prove you’re worth a system change.

The Jaguars, Raiders, Browns or any other hapless franchises are not willing to do so? Conservative paper pushers, where’s Chip Kelly? The Iggles got their own lefty speedster in Michael Vick, followed by Nick Foles and Matt Barkley, QB’s in the traditional mold (white pocket passers). Should Vick go down, God forbid, though he is looking a bit creaky, Tebow’s got 20 more pounds on Vick. Slower yes, but let LeSean do the scrambling and run some power runs.

The whole nation is sippin’ the Kelly kool aid. Bring Tebow on board, plug him in to the blur. If it works, the Kelly legend grows. If not, cut the dude and move on. It’s either that or playing snaps with Gene Simmons on the sideline or even worse, playing for the Montreal Alouettes.

2. A Fate Worse Than Death

Waiting in line with your frat bros and not landing those Paul Simon tickets or being cut by the Canadian Football League Montreal Alouettes?

+ posts

The Emory Wheel was founded in 1919 and is currently the only independent, student-run newspaper of Emory University. The Wheel publishes weekly on Wednesdays during the academic year, except during University holidays and scheduled publication intermissions.

The Wheel is financially and editorially independent from the University. All of its content is generated by the Wheel’s more than 100 student staff members and contributing writers, and its printing costs are covered by profits from self-generated advertising sales.