1. The Weatherman
LeBron James is many things – an all-star, a MVP, a champion, a high school star. There are also many things which he is not – a college graduate, better in the clutch than Kobe Bryant, the possessor of a full head of hair. Add amateur meteorologist and social-media expert to the list of the things he is.
Last Saturday, LeBron uploaded some pictures to Instagram with the caption “Miami ain’t always sunshine! Mother nature ain’t nothing to mess with. Rain rain go away, come back another day.” The pictures depicted the flooded streets of Miami, which James was driving through in what your car-loving On Fire correspondent can only assume to be an all-black Cadillac Escalade with tinted windows. The water seems to be at least a foot deep, and cars lesser than James’ Escalade were struggling to get through the water.
Following LeBron’s photos, the National Weather Service issued an alert of flooding in the Coral Gables area of Miami. They went on to note, “LeBron James, number 6 of the Miami Heat, reported significant street flooding in the Coral Gables area. Report relayed through social media.”
We at On Fire feel that we have no other option than to salute LeBron. First of all, imagine the presence of mind it took to take photographic evidence of the devastating situation in which he found himself. Doubters and haters have accused LeBron before of not being cool in the clutch, of losing his calm when he comes under fire, of being unable to pull the trigger with the game on the line. We at On Fire even did so earlier in the article, snidely pointing out that he is not as good in the clutch as Kobe.
But imagine finding yourself driving your Escalade through the flooded streets of Miami. That is the ultimate pressure situation. And LeBron handled it terrifically. He could have turned around and gone home. He could have gotten out of his car and tried to help people. He could have found a canoe and gone for a paddle.
But LeBron did none of those things. Channeling his inner hero, he pulled his iPhone right out, snapped some pictures and immediately uploaded them to Instagram, not even pausing to put any effects on them.
And how fortunate was it that the National Weather Service follows LeBron on Instagram? Your creative On Fire correspondent can just imagine some intern, bored of playing Tetris but not yet ready to go back to alphabetizing hurricanes, killing some time on Instagram and coming across this meteorological disaster. Or, more likely, Dr. Louis W. Uccellini, the head of the National Weather Service, according to weather.gov, was doing a little background research for his fantasy basketball team and came across LeBron’s photos in so doing. Either way, this just goes to show that wasting time has benefits and that LeBron is a hero.
Unfortunately, On Fire does not have an intern. But, speaking of interns, we at On Fire are big fans of April from “Parks and Recreation.” Similar to our imaginary intern at the National Weather Service, she spends quite a bit of time on her computer, mostly doing nothing and occasionally saving the world. She is also a person in real life, and that person is named Aubrey Plaza. And she attended this year’s MTV Movie Awards.
Will Ferrell was awarded the Comedic Genius award, and halfway through his acceptance speech, Ms. Plaza runs on stage. She was carrying a drink in her hand, and the title of her new movie (we at On Fire do not believe in free advertising, so we will not tell you what that movie is) written on her dÃ©colletage (we at On Fire did not know what a dÃ©colletage was until we Googled it – turns out that it refers to a women’s neckline which emphasizes her cleavage). For a few silent moments, which Yahoo! described as “awkward,” she wrestled with Mr. Ferrell, trying to take the trophy from him.
She failed. She returned to her seat, spilled her drink and listened to the rest of the speech. During the next commercial break, she was escorted from the ceremony. Reports say that she was cooperative.
Much like LeBron James, Ms. Plaza knows what she wants and is willing to go out and get it. LeBron wanted to be a weatherman/hero and succeeded in both of those goals. Ms. Plaza wanted to steal an award and failed miserably. But we at On Fire commend them both for trying.