on fire

As any reader of On Fire knows, your On Fire correspondent is an exceptional human being. As you might have guessed, he (or she) is equal parts hilarious and intelligent and extremely charming. Which is why when your On Fire correspondent comes across another individual whom he considers his or her near equal, that person is worth writing an entire On Fire column about. That person is of course Mitt Romney.

Many of you, my loyal readers may disagree with Mitt’s politics. Some of you may feel he contradicts himself or that he is out of touch with average Americans. Some of you may hate his guts. But what you can’t argue with is, Mitt Romney knows how to make an NCAA bracket.

According to the Huffington Post, out of the 11.57 million brackets filled out on ESPN.com, Romney is in 25,485th place, which puts his bracket is in the 99.98th percentile.

Mitt Romney is a man who has had many facets of success in his life. He co-founded Bain Capital, a billion dollar company and was governor of Massachusetts, one of the country’s wealthiest states. However, despite his success, he’s never been part of such a select group of people. In your On Fire correspondent’s humble and valuable opinion he (or she) believes Romney has found his true calling. Congratulations Mitt Romney, well done.

In response to Mitt Romney’s unexpected talent, your On Fire correspondent has kindly compiled a list of athletes whose true calling is off the court.

1. Sean Avery: NHL icon who played for the Detroit Red Wings, Los Angeles Kings, Dallas Stars and New York Rangers, Avery is most known for his easily agitated demeanor, his violence in the rink and his controversial comments to the press. Only after several seasons in the NHL did Avery realize his true calling; Avery’s love of fashion became so consuming that in 2008, he took an internship with Vogue magazine during the summer offseason.

2. Joel Zumaya: retired American baseball pitcher for the Detroit Tigers. He is known for having a 100-plus mph fastball, breaking the record for the fastest pitch ever thrown at the time. Zumaya found his true calling in the 2005 hit video game “Guitar Hero.” He played the game so much that he suffered a wrist injury which kept him out of the 2006 American League Championship Series (ALCS).

3. Serena Williams: tennis icon, thought by many to be among the greatest women players of all time. She is currently ranked number one in the world, and has won over $60 million in prize money. She has won 34 grand slams, including 19 in singles. Additionally, she is tied for the most single grand slam titles of all time. While this is certainly not unimpressive, her true talent lies off the court. She is an expert seamstress who has been sewing since she was two or three years old and has honed her skills by making clothes for her dolls.

4. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: American basketball player who played 20 seasons in the NBA for the Milwaukee Bucks and Los Angeles Lakers. He was the NBA’s Most Valuable Player (MVP) for a record six times. What many people watching him on television and cheering for him at games really wanted to know, however, is what his thoughts on Iran becoming a nuclear power were. Today, the public can learn about this and more as Jabbar found his true calling as a blogger reviewing everything from politics to HBO’s “Girls.”1. Dennis Rodman: This Bulls dynasty power forward made a name for himself as a defensive monster. He was named the NBA defensive player of the year twice and won 5 National Championships. However it wasn’t until after he retired that he found his true calling. He has travelled to North Korea becoming a professional diplomat and plausable best friend to Kim Jong Un. In your On Fire correspondent’s opinion, Rodman is an example of a true american hero.

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Managing Editor | Elana Cates is a College senior from San Diego, California, majoring in English and History. She joined the Wheel's Editorial Board her sophomore year as sports editor. In addition to the Wheel, Elana is also a member of the Kappa Kappa Gamma sorority and a vice president of the Student Alumni Board.