1. E-Athletes


Coming off a 3-1 victory over Rutgers last week, the Emory StarCraft II team is seeking to extend its undefeated record to 2-0 on Saturday in a match pitting Emory’s finest e-athletes against regional rivals Georgia State.

Last week it was Will “SpaceHorse” Partin’s crisp Void Ray all-in that won the day. This week, Partin will get another chance to show his skill, but the outcome of the match is likely to ride on the shoulders of Emory ace Jay “jay” Li. As the team’s ace player, Li was instrumental in last year’s 9-5 season and that trend is likely to continue in 2012 as well.

The victory over Rutgers would have been considered an unlikely outcome by some – while Emory’s 9-5 record over the 2011-2012 season was far from shabby, Rutgers managed an impressive 13-2 – but for team captain Justin Groot, it was far from a surprise.

“The fact is, not only is our lineup this year even better at StarCraft than it was last year, but it’s also even more handsome,” Groot said, citing the recruitment of several good-looking rookies. “Faced with our onslaught of sexiness, Rutgers had no choice but to fold.”

Groot, who plays under the ID “Clever,” won his game last Saturday and will be playing again in tomorrow’s match against Georgia State. Also in tomorrow’s lineup: the 2v2 team composed of Tejas “TejasEagle” Ramalingam and Andrew “Kangster” Kang, who hope to redeem themselves after a sound drubbing by the Rutgers 2v2 team last week.


2. Swag


Remember how everyone always says that basketball is America’s national pastime? Oh, wait, no one has ever said that. Baseball has tradition, football has excitement, but all the NBA has is swag. And swag does not sell you tickets.

For instance, the Philadelphia 76ers played the Detroit Pistons Wednesday night. A block of 16 tickets were selling for $6.80 – for the entire set. For those who are not so strong at math, that makes $.40 a ticket. Two rows above, a pair of tickets was selling for $.10 a ticket.

But we know what you are thinking, Philadelphia is a desolate city with no spirit, no soul and no love of basketball. But this is not a unique phenomenon. Hornets tickets can be found for $.94, Grizzlies tickets for $.95, Bobcats and Hawks tickets for $1 and Kings tickets for $2.

These are not impressive numbers. First of all, who wants to join your On Fire correspondent at a Hawks game for a dollar? But, less importantly but more relevant to this column (which has been accused of lacking content on occasion), what does this tell us about the NBA?

There are essentially only three teams that anyone cares about in the NBA, the Lakers, the Heat and the Bulls. If you are not a fan of one of these teams or your team is not playing one of these teams, life gets dreadfully boring.

This is because, as noted above, the NBA’s greatest asset is its swag. And there is no swag in losing. You cannot talk trash when you are unable to back it up. You cannot show someone up when you have no leg to stand on.

Yet these super-teams have made it the case that the other 90 percent of NBA teams look like J.V. squads at inner city high schools, athletic and fast but unfocused, loose and bad. They imitate swag, but when the big boys roll into town, they realize they have brought switch blades to gun fights.

And, with your On Fire correspondent speaking as someone who drove through the hood recently, no good will come from that.

The point being, swag is not enough to get you through in this world, but at least those of you who care about the Hawks (and, for all two of you, we highly recommend that you check out Jacob Eisenberg’s blog) can obtain tickets cheaply.

But not as cheaply as one would think. The tickets are being sold for $1, but that number only represents how much money the tickets are worth to the seller. For actually acquiring them, one must first pay a “processing fee” to the website you are buying them through, a number which can reach up to $10.

Where this mysterious “processing fee” money actually goes to no one really knows. But your On Fire correspondent is suspicious. More investigation is to follow. Our loyal readers will be informed.