The On Fire Hall of Fame (OFHoF) is an exclusive club. It consists of an elite pantheon of men, women and children from the world of sports who have transcended the playing field and left an indelible mark on all those who saw them, heard them or read about them in On Fire.
Already in the OFHoF (your distraction-hating On Fire correspondent is worried that this acronym might be too catchy for its own good) are men like Tom Brady, who built a new house surrounded by a moat to keep out any knights looking to lay siege to his castle, Jay-Z, who is the best sports agent in the world for 99 different reasons, and the guy from Chicago who made a really creepy face from his courtside seats after the Bulls snapped the Heats’ winning-streak last season.
The newest member of the OFHoF is Bud Selig, whom MLB presented with the inaugural Bud Selig award last week.
Basically, the OFHoF consists of people who have done something really stupid, really awesome, or really funny, and who your consistently-on-topic On Fire correspondent can connect to sports enough to justify their taking up space in this section.
Christian from Houston did a thing that was all three of these things last week. Welcome to the On Fire Hall of Fame (this seemed like an occasion so weighty that it was appropriate to spell out the whole name of the OFHoF, despite its ridiculously catchy acronym).
Along with an unknown number of others (meaning that the number did not show up in either of the first two results your research-loving On Fire correspondent’s Google search) Christian participated in Houston’s Great Bull Run on Jan. 25.
What would you, loyal reader, think about or do as two-dozen 1500-pound bulls were chasing you through the streets of Houston?
Fearing for your life, you would probably think about the experiences and people that have meant the most to you.
Perhaps you would think of your first kiss, and wish that you had taken a quick peek to figure out where her nose was before you closed your eyes.
Perhaps you would think of the 10 best meals you have ever eaten, and realize a little sadly (who are we kidding, if this happens your life has been awesome) that every single one of them has occurred at Chipotle.
Most likely, you would reflect on your favorite On Fires, and chuckle at the arrogance of Tom Brady or the awesomeness of Jay-Z.
Christian, as far as we know, did none of these things. Rather than think back on the past, he decided to make his life awesome in the present (this is the same reason that your constantly-hungry On Fire correspondent often chooses to go to Chipotle).
With a big black bull hot on his heels, Christian proceeded to take the single greatest selfie of all time (your On Fire correspondent feels comfortable making this claim because this incident is the second result to come up if you type into Google ‘greatest selfie of all time bull’).
The best part is, Christian was caught in the act. Some quick-reflexed cameraman took a picture of Christian taking a picture of himself to preserve this awesome moment for posterity. Just Google ‘greatest selfie of all time bull’ to find it.
Christian, we salute you. With this action, you have put every single other person who has ever taken a selfie to shame. You are a true American hero, and you have earned your spot in the OFHoF. You are exactly the kind of person we want to see applying to the On Fire internship.
For those of you who have not heard, the On Fire internship is a highly selective program that offers its participants an intense, empowering experience involving both collaboration and synergy. The intern should expect to grow both personally and professionally over the course of the program. Potential applicants should submit a resume, cover letter and the number of Dooley Dollars they have to [email protected]
Christian, that means you. We are eagerly awaiting your application.
Seriously, this man is all we are looking for – in a intern, in an On Fire Hall-of-Famer and in a human being. He is bold but slightly ironic. He is intense enough to run with bulls but casual enough to take pictures of himself doing it.
And you can bet your britches that Christian here knows how to both collaborate and synergize.