1. Michigan Men
If there is one thing that the University of Michigan football program is good at, it’s getting fans to come to the stadium.
The Michigan football team averaged a staggering 112,252 fans per home game this past season. This was good for an all-time school record, which given Michigan’s rich football history is certainly quite the achievement.
Your On Fire correspondent has several theories to this record surge in attendance. Perhaps these fans enjoy watching a mediocre, consistently underachieving product that enters every season with national title aspirations and yet finds astounding ways to fall short.
Perhaps they are attracted to watching the nation’s most electrifying player, quarterback Denard Robinson, struggle to play in a system that fails to play to his strengths. Maybe they enjoy watching Robinson chase after defenders shortly after throwing interceptions while his untied shoelaces flap in the harsh Northern wind.
Perhaps they are drawn to spending time with other Michigan men, proud fans who trumpet past triumphs and “greatest team ever”s despite the fact that their Wolverines have yet to win a conference title in the BCS era, essentially making them Notre Dame minus Jesus.
Or perhaps they merely have an affinity for the slightly nauseating “maize” tint that permeates every human being and builds within a ten-mile radius of Ann Arbor.
(How many human beings and buildings are within a ten-mile radius of Ann Arbor? Trick question. Your On Fire correspondent can personally verify that there are none.)
But the fans show up to games, and no one can take that away from them. No, seriously. Try it. You can’t. Thank you, Michigan men.
2. Michael Vick
In unrelated news, the Eagles recently re-signed quarterback Michael Vick to a one-year contract.
If you deny that this is awesome for any reason whatsoever, you are lying. All logistics aside, football fans all over the globe will now be granted the privilege to watch Vick, LeSean McCoy and DeSean Jackson run Chip Kelly’s wide-open spread offense for a season. We are all witnesses.
We will all assumedly still be witnesses when the season crashes and burns, the Eagles finish 8-8 and the Philadelphia media explodes.
The Emory Wheel was founded in 1919 and is currently the only independent, student-run newspaper of Emory University. The Wheel publishes weekly on Wednesdays during the academic year, except during University holidays and scheduled publication intermissions.
The Wheel is financially and editorially independent from the University. All of its content is generated by the Wheel’s more than 100 student staff members and contributing writers, and its printing costs are covered by profits from self-generated advertising sales.
