onfire

  1. Marshawn Lynch

Let’s talk about Marshawn Lynch for a minute. Lynch notoriously hates talking to the media. So much so that after a November game against the Chiefs, Lynch left the locker room without talking to the media at all.

Unfortunately for Lynch, that is a thing that you cannot do in today’s NFL, and the league fined him $100,000.

And Lynch learned his lesson. He started talking to the media, for the express purpose of not being fined. He was very clear about this.

“I’m here so I won’t get fined.” That was Lynch’s answer to 95 percent of the questions asked to him at the Super Bowl media day on Tuesday. Included among the other answers are the responses, “I’m just here so I won’t get fined,” and, “I’m here so I won’t get fined, boss.”

Variety is nice sometimes.

Lynch found it even easier to communicate with them on Wednesday. To every question Lynch replied, “You know why I’m here.”

And that is true. We all know why Lynch is here. Lynch is at media day so he can give reporters interesting, thoughtful quotes. That is to say, he is there so he will not get fined, boss.

And on the football field, we also all know why Lynch is here. Lynch is here to run the darn ball. He is here to break tackles and pick up yards. He is here to be a power back on the goal line. He is here to score touchdowns.

But apparently Pete Carroll and Russell Wilson forgot why Lynch is here at the end of the Super Bowl on Sunday night. Instead of handing the ball to Lynch on the one-yard line so that he could score the go-ahead touchdown, they elected to throw the ball. And it got intercepted.

Come on Coach Carroll. Do you know why Lynch is here?

In the aftermath of the Seahawks’ loss, Lynch broke his self-imposed position of non-cooperation with the media to say that he was not bothered by the fact that he did not get the football on that play. Why? “Because football is a team sport.”

Well said, Lynch. We all know why you are here.

  1. Tom Brady

The night of the Super Bowl, your On Fire correspondent’s Facebook newsfeed was blown up with links to an article on CBSSports.com.

This CBS Sports piece was titled “The Tom Brady-Richard Sherman Super Bowl 49 Photo You’ll Want to See.” A little bit of background is necessary before your On Fire correspondent goes further.

In 2012, after much trash talking from Tom Brady in a Seahawks-Patriots game, including Brady allegedly telling Sherman to come see him after he wins the game, the Seahawks won the game.

Sherman stayed true to Brady’s wishes and ran over to him after the game. Inches away from his face, he yelled, “You mad, bro?”

The rest was history. “You mad, bro?” T-shirts were made by the dozen. Your On Fire correspondent made a hefty investment and bought a few thousand, so if any readers are interested, please email president@whitehouse.gov and place $25 in your On Fire correspondent’s Swiss bank account.

But yet again, your On Fire correspondent digresses. What was so important about those three words, other than their utter frat-ness?

Brady has everything going for him. He’s handsome and has the mane of a lion. He is great at football. The man models for UGG. Do you know how warm and comfy his footsies are when he treks the mean streets of Boston?

Your On Fire correspondent doesn’t want to get into details, but allow him (or her) to leave you with this: Gisele’s first love was not Tom. And Tom did not win her fair and square. Her first love and only true love went by the initials OFC. But that ship has sailed for your On Fire correspondent.

So, when CBS praised Sherman and Brady for embracing one another like perfect sportsmen after the game, your On Fire Correspondent died a little on the inside.

Die Hard doesn’t end with John McClane and Hans Gruber making peace and embracing one another. He doesn’t embrace Richard Thornburg at the end of Die Hard 2 either. The same goes for Die Hard With a Vengance and Gruber’s weird brother or cousin or whatever. Don’t ask about the recent “sequels,” because your On Fire correspondent doesn’t play that game.

The point is that until Sherman publicly humiliates Brady again, he is public enemy number two. That is, after Tom Brady.

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The Emory Wheel was founded in 1919 and is currently the only independent, student-run newspaper of Emory University. The Wheel publishes weekly on Wednesdays during the academic year, except during University holidays and scheduled publication intermissions.

The Wheel is financially and editorially independent from the University. All of its content is generated by the Wheel’s more than 100 student staff members and contributing writers, and its printing costs are covered by profits from self-generated advertising sales.