1. Life as a Loser
As humble observers of all mortals, it has not escaped our attention that there is a scant minority that besmirches the face of all athletics: scrawny hobbits.
They appear in all manner and form, somehow managing to surface at inopportune times: like when selecting teammates during a forced physical education class in elementary school.
Cursed to pick a teammate last, we survey the vestiges that middle school popularity contests leave behind: a gangly ginger, a pockmarked chubby, an anxious Asian and “that” girl (the kind that looks like her name should be Helga or Winnifred until high school comes, and she miraculously sprouts into a Megan Fox and inspires self-loathing in all). While we may lampoon their existence during sporting events, the presence of the hobbits in the sports realm is undeniably important.
Their clumsiness, awkwardness and all around unsavory style of movement informs the duality of the sports world.
After all, how would we know light without dark? Sweet without bitter? Roshani Chokshi without Eva Mendes?
2. J.R. Smith
Here at On Fire we have always thought that J. R. Smith was the man. Not because he has done anything great in the NBA; he really hasn’t. It was pretty funny when he went to China last year, because his family is a mess, and they fought Chinese people in the stands.
But we really started liking him back when NBA Live came out with those player icons. He was always a high-flyer which made him awesome. He was that guy you traded a second-round pick for at the beginning of your franchise, and then you won every game.
Well now, he is almost more awesome. But also kind of gross. But, awesome too.
Below is a Twitter conversation he had with a high school girl. We’ll leave it at that:
Girl: “I’m going to your game tonight”
JR: “Dope”
Girl: “:)”
JR: “Oh really”
Girl: “Oh really what? ;)”
JR: “You tryin to get the pipe?”
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