1. Lance’s Defiance
Though the liberal media never credits him (or her) for this fact, your On Fire correspondent (or, to be more precise, your correspondent’s roommate) was the first to point out the now obvious parallels in the falls from grace of Tiger Woods and Lance Armstrong. There is one crucial difference, however, which has only recently come to light – Lance has not lost his swag.
Following what the United States Anti-Doping agency has called “the most sophisticated, professionalized and successful doping program that sport has ever seen,” Armstrong was stripped of his seven Tour de France titles. Armstrong has removed those victories from his Twitter profile, which is how most of the public discovered this fact.
But though Twitter was the location of Armstrong’s ultimate surrender, it is also a refuge of defiance for the cyclist. He recently tweeted a photo with the caption “Back in Austin and just layin’ around … ”
It may be a coincidence, but your observant On Fire correspondent could not help but notice that Armstrong was “layin’ around” right in front of his seven yellow jerseys that he won in his seven Tours. It probably was not a coincidence.
Is this move passive aggressive? That is certainly a part of it. But with it, Armstrong is making a statement. He is telling the USADA and the world that you can take his victories from his Twitter profile, but you cannot take them from his heart or his home.
And we at On Fire admire Lance’s bravado. What would any reasonable person be doing in his situation? He would be apologizing, for one, and laying low, for another. He would distract himself during the day by spending hours at the gym, and at night by drowning his sorrows in imported beer.
He would catch up with Downton Abbey on Netflix, and in secret consume endless streams of Pretty Little Liars, Gossip Girl and Boy Meets World. He may read the poetry of Wordsworth or the lean, athletic prose of Hemingway.
He would do anything, in short, besides tweet pictures of himself in front of the ultimate symbol of greatness earned through the ultimate act of treachery to sport.
We at On Fire have made it clear throughout the years that we value nothing more highly that the integrity and honesty of sport. Nothing, that is, besides a clear and convincing statement of F*#! You! (See Friday’s column on Tim Duncan’s fundamentally sound, technically unassailable and utterly smooth flipping of the bird.) And that is exactly what Lance has done with this picture.
The willingness to make a statement like this, when one is so clearly in the wrong, is indicative of one thing and one thing only – passion. And rule number one of On Fire is to never apologize for passion. You have to flaunt it if you got it, after all.
So from all of us here at On Fire, here is to Lance. To all you kids out there, do not cheat; but if you do, do it like Lance did.
2. Ties
So there was a tie in the NFL this week. We can here all our readers claiming in disgust and confusion “What?!?!” But it is true – the Rams and 49ers kissed their sisters, metaphorically speaking, and their game ended without a clear victor having been decided.
If you are confused, then you are in good company. St. Louis wide receiver Danny Amendola and San Francisco safety Dashon Goldson expressed their confusion afterwards, indicating that they had no idea NFL games could end in ties.
Famously, Donavan McNabb, who was at the time a ten-year veteran who had played in four NFC championships, a Super Bowl, and even once faced the 9-6-1 Atlanta Falcons in the playoffs did not realize games could end in ties while leading his team in a desperate last-minute drive during triple overtime in 2008, the last time an NFL game has ended in a tie.
If you were all too aware of this rule, than you may very well be smarter than an NFL player. So congratulations there.
But you are also smarter than the NFL on Fox graphics team, who declared the score to be 24-24 at the end of the first overtime, implying that more were to come.
More did not come.
We at On Fire feel compelled to offer a resounding “Head in the game!” to Amendola, Goldshon, Fox and, fours year too late, McNabb.
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