1. Actual Sports Jesus
Last week your On Fire correspondent gave LeBron James a slew of nicknames. One of those names was “Sports Jesus.” Your On Fire correspondent spoke too soon. King James is not Sports Jesus. Calvin Johnson is Sports Jesus.
Calvin racked up 329 receiving yards this weekend against the Dallas Cowboys, and anyone who watched will tell you he played even better than the statistics showed.
His massive fourth quarter performance led the Lions to the most impressive comeback of this NFL season, topped off by a crazy Matthew Stafford fake spike.
Calvin’s performance was particularly satisfying for us at On Fire because of the misguided media hype leading up to the game. Outlets like ESPN and Fox Sports 1 focused their coverage on the battle between the league’s two best receivers, Calvin Johnson and Dez Bryant. “Who’s better?” they asked.
It would have been very easy for us over here at On Fire to stoop down to the level of our lower-level sister publications, but we held strong. Dez Bryant had a great game. Still, Calvin Johnson made it pretty clear that not only is he the best receiver in the NFL, but it isn’t even worth the conversation.
You do you, Sports Jesus.
2. Sad
On Saturday, we were all witnesses to one of the saddest plays that we at On Fire have ever seen. Missouri has been one of the surprise teams in college football this year.
One of the new additions to the SEC, Missouri was one of two undefeated teams in the conference this year.
With a pretty easy schedule going forward, Missouri just had to beat South Carolina and it would’ve been smooth sailing. South Carolina had just lost at Tennessee the week before. The game was at home for Missouri.
Long story short, Missouri lost. It’s how they lost that made it so sad though. The Tigers were down by three points in double overtime. They lined up for a 24-yard field goal.
The kick went up and in the boink heard ’round the world, it bounced off the uprights. Complete silence in Columbia. So. Much. Sadness.
3. Nick Saban is a Robot
If there wasn’t already enough evidence to support the theory that University of Alabama Head Coach Nick Saban is an inhuman robot incapable of any emotion apart from “win,” his midweek comments before a game with Tennessee pretty much confirmed it.
Saban complained that his fans – the hat-wearin’, Roll Tide-shoutin’ college education-lackin’ crowd, who, mind you, would rather attend an Alabama football game than their own wedding – weren’t dedicated enough and often left the stadium before the game was through because the Crimson Tide was winning by too much.
We at On Fire aren’t Bama fans, but we can’t really see the logic in complaining about the best – and most prone to violence – fan base in college football. Heck, we’d write a lot faster if 100,000-plus people showed up to cheer us on every Monday and Friday.
For the record, Bama beat Tennessee 42-10 on Saturday. And you bet your a– that every single fan stayed in their seat in entire time. Rooooooll Tide, y’all.
4. How Many Touchdowns Has the University of South Florida Football Team Scored This Season?
Six. Six touchdowns. In seven games. You and 10 of your friends could probably score six touchdowns in seven games against the average college defense.
In the words of the immortal Spencer Hall, “bad football has its own grandeur, and USF’s 2013 season is a Taj Mahal of it, built of only the sturdiest shanks, interceptions, turnovers and blown assignments.”
Yes it is, and it is beautiful.
5. Iced Tea Ranked
1. Unsweetened
2. Sweet
3. Every other beverage in the universe
3. That gross half-and-half s–t they serve up North when you ask for sweetened ice tea
The Emory Wheel was founded in 1919 and is currently the only independent, student-run newspaper of Emory University. The Wheel publishes weekly on Wednesdays during the academic year, except during University holidays and scheduled publication intermissions.
The Wheel is financially and editorially independent from the University. All of its content is generated by the Wheel’s more than 100 student staff members and contributing writers, and its printing costs are covered by profits from self-generated advertising sales.
