On Sunday night, Billy Butler took a big risk. And as can often happen when one takes a big risk, it paid off in a big way.
Billy, whom his teammates lovingly called “Country Breakfast” (and whom his mother presumably calls William Raymond Butler Jr. when she is mad at him), is the designated hitter for the Kansas City Royals.
This has been quite the year for the Royals. To be completely honest (and, loyal readers, can any among you recall a time when your forthright On Fire correspondent has ever been anything short of completely truthful?), the Royals sucked for a long time. For over a decade, from the late 90s all the way to your earlier teens (there must be a better term for this decade, but your intrepid On Fire correspondent has been unable to discover it), they were the armpit of the American League – smelly, sweaty and kept out of sight except when the weather was nice in the summer.
But 2014 has been the Royals year. Admittedly things started out a little slowly, with the Royals winning only 14 of their first 29 games. But in June they went on a 10-game winning streak, and by Sept. 26 they had clinched a wild card spot in the playoffs – their first trip to the post season since 1985!
But the Royals’ success did not stop there. On Sept. 30 they defeated the Oakland Athletics in the Wild Card Game, emerging with a 9-8 victory after 12 hard-fought innings. With this win, they earned the right to play the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (now is not the moment to discuss just how dumb this name is, but never fear, loyal readers, there will most certainly be a time) in the American League Division Series.
In the process of achieving victory they stole seven bases, tying the MLB playoff record (but to foreshadow, dear readers, this is not the most notable accomplishment regarding Royals and stolen bases that we will discuss in this column).
On Oct. 2, the Royals won the first game of the series 3-2 in 11 innings, and the following day they won the second game 4-1, once again in 11 innings. In this manner, the Royals became the first team to ever win three consecutive extra-inning games in MLB post season history.
This brings us to last Sunday, Oct. 5. The Royals were one victory away from winning their first playoff series since 1985, when they beat the St. Louis Cardinals in the World Series.
The Royals scored three runs in the first inning, and when “Country Breakfast” Butler came up to bat for the second time in the bottom of the third inning, the Royals held a 5-1 lead. After working the count for a walk, Butler stood on first base. And then, with teammate Alex Gordon batting, Butler attempted to steal second base.
Billy Butler is one of the slowest men in the world. This is a fact. His teammates do not call him “Country Breakfast” because of his lightning speed. They call him that because he is a chubby, balding 28-year old who loves bacon, eggs, biscuits, gravy, sausage, grits and pancakes, preferably all at the same time. And, speaking from experience, let your Rise-N-Dine-loving On Fire correspondent assure you, loyal reader, that those things do not make you fast.
Butler has not successfully stolen a base since July 5, 2012. Considering that according to convertunits.com there were 820 days between July 5, 2012, and last Sunday, Butler had presumably eaten more than 800 country breakfasts since he had last stolen a base, and that is not even counting country brunches and country brinners.
So what was Butler thinking? It seems clear to all of us here at On Fire. Like all great men do, and as your On Fire correspondent has done many times and will do many times again, Butler rose to the occasion.
He saw that his team had a good lead. But he knew that they needed at least one more run to secure a victory. And he knew that he had to provide that run any way he could.
“I am fast,” he must have thought to himself. “I am swift like the gazelle and sneaky like the fox. I eat yogurt and granola for breakfast every morning. The team is counting on me, and I will not disappoint.”
Motivated by his duty to his team, Billy “Country Breakfast” Butler forgot that he was slow and attempted to steal second. And let this be a lesson to all you boys and girls out there – miracles do occur; the slow do become fast. For when the dust cleared, “Country Breakfast” was standing safely on second base.
The best part is, they let him take the base home with him. You can find a picture of him holding it on his Twitter.
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