The “Lyricscopes” Issue

Aries

(3/21-4/19)

If you throw a ball too hard, there may be men who procreate with mothers searching for you. You may find this occurrence to be crazy. Be careful Aries.

Taurus

(4/20-5/20)

If you find your relationship coming to an end, try to find strong construction equipment to fight back against your lover. Do not just walk away from this relationship, because you will always love this person.

Gemini 

(5/21-6/21)

If you create a dairy-rich beverage, you may find many men hanging out in your garden. They will attest that your drink is better than all others. This could be good news for you, Gemini.

Cancer

(6/22-7/22)

Plan a trip to the beach, a getaway. Have some drinks, dance on the floor until you cannot stand. A space vehicle, which was intended for flight, will come your way, and you should raise your hands to the sky.

Leo

(7/23-8/22)

You have traveled too much distance to give up your identity. If you stay up all night, you may find good fortune. Have some fun, and embrace your good fortune.

Virgo

(8/23-9/22)

You may find yourself in the climate of a southern city. Wear a two-piece bathing suit, hydrate yourself by day and enjoy yourself at night. You are in Miami, and there is a female dog.

Libra

(9/23-10/22)

Last Friday night, you danced on furniture, you over-hydrated and you may or may not have embraced another person. Do not let these questionable experiences deter you. This Friday night, do it all again.

Scorpio 

(10/23-11/21)

Finances may be tight right now, Scorpio. If you feel the need to re-vamp your wardrobe, try mimicking the style of those older than you, perhaps even take their worn clothes, or purchase them for a small sum at a second-hand shop.

Sagittarius 

(11/22-12/21)

Since you are in Georgia, Sagittarius, you may find yourself craving some fried bird. If you do have this feeling, grab a cold drink, some well-fitting denim and turn on the radio. These steps may even lead you to love.

Capricorn

(12/22-1/19)

Wonder no longer about the sounds that the blue-eyed, pointy-nosed mammal says. The answer is obvious if you will open your heart to it. Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow! Joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!

Aquarius 

(1/20-2/18)

You may find that you and your significant other do not currently have a song. Do not fear. Combine an inanimate object, some everyday actions, a flirty tune and voila! Your song will be created. Don’t forget to write it down on a napkin.

Pisces 

(2/19-3/20)

Do not hold back your wild nature. You are good, and you want something. Somebody knows this, and will repeat it until you are nauseous because they prefer that you use a straight edge when you draw lines.

This week’s stars interpreted by Celia Greenlaw

Emory Wheel
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The Emory Wheel was founded in 1919 and is currently the only independent, student-run newspaper of Emory University. The Wheel publishes weekly on Wednesdays during the academic year, except during University holidays and scheduled publication intermissions.

The Wheel is financially and editorially independent from the University. All of its content is generated by the Wheel’s more than 100 student staff members and contributing writers, and its printing costs are covered by profits from self-generated advertising sales.