grannypanti

Historically, fashion has been about class and art, not sex.

Mannequins are not sexy, unless, of course, they are wearing skimpy lingerie, at which point the lines between fashion and sex become blurred (please, no Robin Thicke references). So I guess my question is: what makes fashion sexy and does what you wear actually make you more desirable?

The pocket of society where fashion meets sex is ensconced in the wonderful world of negligees and g-strings. But, if a Victoria’s Secret model walked down the street in nothing but underwear, it’s rare that anyone would refer to that as fashionable or artful (depending on who you ask).

Fashion simply for the sake of being sexy, however, is deeply insulting to the artfulness and history of the fashion industry. There are certainly aspects of fashion OTHER than underwear that can be sexy.

Of course, there’s the age old trick of wearing hip-hugging or cleavage-bearing clothing. On the other hand, there’s definitely something sexy about diverting the male gaze with some well-placed side boob. And then, obviously, there are crop tops. I guess what I am trying to get at some items of clothing might be considered sexy and some might not, but maybe that shouldn’t dictate how you dress.

Fashion should be about self-expression and (sometimes) about weather-appropriateness. Fashion is simultaneously a manifestation of societal trends and individual whims. If you’ve ever watched the seminal audio-visual masterpiece “Gossip Girl,” you will understand this. That show is indisputably sexy. But did Serena van der Woodsen’s admittedly sordid flings have anything to do with her impeccable fashion sense? Absolutely not.

One thing I can tell you for sure, though, is that wearing granny panties does not decrease your likelihood of getting laid. This is anecdotally and empirically proven. I’m not telling you what to wear, all I’m saying is you do not have to forgo comfort in the pursuit of getting down to business.

I think my point is that “fashion” as it is in our world – whether it is couture or Victoria’s Secret, Buffalo Exchange or your mother’s closet – is entirely up to your interpretation. Don’t make it messy by trying to figure out whether that dude who wears boat shoes (when he is clearly not on a boat) in your Anthro class will think your high-waisted shorts are too hipster. You do you.

In honor of Joan Rivers, who tragically passed away yesterday, I’ll leave you with some parting words from the host of “Fashion Police” herself and the number one proponent of self-actualization when it comes to decisions about your body: “My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.”

– By our anonymous sex columnist