Doolino Knows Best: Views, Vibes and Vacation

Hello friends, enemies and the one funny person on the Spoke. It’s time for another advice installment from your friendly neighborhood skeleton, Doolino. A few things to note: Doolino transcends a single person’s identity. Doolino is a lifestyle. While presidents may come and presidents may go, so does the manifestation of Doolino. In my last column, I graced the page with motivation for sleeping through classes, how to get people to read your articles and Halloween fashion finds. This time, your benevolent bony bro is tackling more serious issues. Trigger warning: I’m giving my opinion so hide yo kids, hide yo wife and hide yo sensitive feelings.

Dear Doolino,
I have political and social views that differ from some of my friends. How can I exist in the same space as them without utter conflict and chaos?

Truly,
P.C. Pat

Dear Pat,
Would you be surprised if I told you that it is possible to exist in the same space with differing views and it’s good for you? Let me introduce you to this interesting concept I read on the internet. It’s called “dialogue.” Dialogue comes from the French word dialoge, which means “don’t be an asshole — listen to the other side.”

In today’s society of increasing polarization, everything from “What do you think about gay marriage?” to “What should we have for dinner?” devolves into a shouting match of ad-hominem attacks and Twitter rampages. My advice is simple: learn more about other people’s perspectives. Do your own research. Give others’ views the respect and courtesy they deserve. And, most importantly, don’t be an asshole.

The real world is not all sunshine and rainbows, so my hope is that you bring sunscreen and an umbrella.

Sincerely,
Doolino

Dear Doolino,
There’s this person that I’m really interested in but I’m afraid to make a move. What if they don’t like me?

Sincerely,
Scared Sam

Dear Sam,
What if Marty McFly didn’t go back to the future? What if Adam didn’t eat the apple? What if I didn’t have to take 8:30 a.m. Fitness Jogging just to graduate? In the immortal words of the great philosopher-turned-actor-turned meme, Shia LaBeouf, “JUST DO IT.”

The worst that can happen is that this person says they’re not interested, and then what? Life goes on. Your skeletal sage has had his (or her) fair share of pinings, and he (or she) has gained absolutely nothing from sitting idly by.

Life is too short to wonder what someone thinks about you or if something is going to work out or not. Take life by the horns, step out on a limb and ask that person out on a romantically affordable DUC date. You won’t be sorry. Probably.

Sincerely,
Doolino

Dear Doolino,
I’m going to have a lot of free time starting next September and don’t know what to do with it. Any suggestions?

Thank you,
Not James W. Wagner

Dear Not James,
Congratulations on your free time. The last time I had free time Monica Lewinsky was turning heads in the White House. I recommend taking up a new sport as a hobby, like curling or bocce. Read a book. Travel the world. Eat, drink and be merry. The world is your oyster. (Also, binge-watching Narcos on Netflix is a viable option).

Sincerely,
Doolino