Ah, spring semester. A chance to start anew. It signifies the beginning of the end for seniors, and the end of the beginning for first-years. Another semester that we are older, wiser and a bit more tolerant for cheap alcohol and cheaper small talk (“Oh, you’re from Long Island? Fascinating!”). With all of these changes, it is my duty to impart sage wisdom to my loyal readers (and even the disloyal ones). Let’s begin!
Sorority recruitment is right around the corner and I’m really nervous about where I am going to end up. I’ve heard that [insert name here] is the best sorority but my friends want [insert name here] and the hot-guy-who’s-only-in-one-of-my-classes’ fraternity only mixes with [insert name here]. Which sorority do you see me in and what do I do about it?
You know how there’s the stereotypical 5 B’s that you can’t talk about during recruitment? (Boys, Booze, Bible, Bank Account and Barack for those playing along at home). Well, I’ve got five B’s for surviving recruitment: Breathe, Be yourself, Bstop worrying what others think about the “reputations”, Byou’ll find the right home for you and Bremember that everyone in those sororities has gone through the same exact process. Every person you talk to during your two weekends was the same anxious person wondering if a large group of people like them and want to accept them into their group, so it’s not as daunting as you’d think. If there was a “best” sorority then there would only be one because nobody would want to be in any other one. The opposite is true for the “worst.” Think of the different sororities as different shirts: they all have their unique flair, style and fit, but at the end of the day they all have you covered and make you feel good being yourself.
That being said, Doolino is a great predictor of all things in life (except the Powerball, in which he was one number off), and I predict that you will end up in [insert sorority that best suits you here], because [reason].
I’m a second semester senior looking for some sort of spark to pass my time before I take my [cushy job with a consulting firm/Teach for America gig/soul-crushing time in graduate school] —whether that’s extracurricularly, sexually or anything in between. Help!
Going Out With A Bang (Heh)
The double entendre was nice. I laughed for a solid 10 seconds. Ennui is a common affliction of second semester seniors, and Dr. Doolino is here to help.
Food: Did you know that Atlanta is one of the best food cities in the country? Find a friend or dine solo at any number of amazing restaurants for brunch, cocktails and more. I recommend you check out Medium Rare, the Wheel’s food column for some awesome places to try.
Friends: Now’s the last time you’ll see many of your peers, either because you’re leaving Atlanta or you’ll be up to your eyeballs in more schoolwork. Take the time to hang out and catch up with those who have been with you since day one or later.
Friends ;): It’s senior year. YOLO. See that crush from freshman bio? Go for it. Explore Edgewood. Bar hop in Buckhead. Swipe right on everyone you meet on Tinder/JSwipe/Bumble/Mouse Mingle/Farmers Only. This is your time to shine. Actually, it’s always been your time to shine, dammit, so live every day like your impending student loan debt isn’t there and the real world isn’t right around the corner.
I’ve been having issues with my father since I’ve been living a different lifestyle than he approves of. I’m happy, I have a lot of responsibility and power and people recognize my dark sense of humor. Also, I kind of stabbed him with my lightsaber and caused a few planets to implode. Oops.
This is not the advice column you’re looking for.