With the Spring semester now in full swing, papers are stacking up and office hours are getting busy. If your increasingly booked schedule has made for a nonexistentsocial life or a near impossible 10 a.m. wake-up, take a step back and let Doolino guide you toward success.

Dear Doolino,

I’m having trouble keeping up with school, sleep and my social life. I’m taking 21 credits this semester, including two lab sessions. If that doesn’t seem like too much, I also work eight hours a week at the Carlos Museum as a security guard. 

With all this on my plate, I barely get to interact with humans anymore. My roommate is studying abroad this semester, so I’m always completely alone in my room. I’ve started having conversations with my textbooks and pulling too many all-nighters. How do I even attempt to balance everything?

From,

Stressed & Psycho

 

Dear Stressed,

I see you must be a freshman, inexperienced in the ways of an Emory College student. Grades , sleep and a social life are what we call the impossible triangle. You can only have two.

For example, you could start by making friends at your job. If you talk to the sculptures and paintings, you can basically replace having friends. Looks like you’ve already got this skill down considering you converse with your textbooks. And if anyone tries to rob the museum, you have a great opportunity to find the human contact that you’re missing out on.

Sincerely, 

Doolino

 

Dear Doolino, 

With the Lime scooters gone, I don’t know how I’ll get to class on time anymore. I have 10 minutes to get from my biology lab in the 1462 Clifton Road Building to my calculus class in the Mathematics and Science Center. 

It takes me at least 15 minutes to get there even when I sprint. I awkwardly jog in late every day and everybody stares at me. I always miss announcements and never know when anything is due. How do I properly function without scooters?

Please help,

Slow & Scooter-less

 

Dear Slow,

Back in the day, we didn’t have any of this fancy, new technology to help us out. We didn’t have computers to cheat on all our homework or elevators to skip on that much-needed leg day. We did everything the slow, old-fashioned way. We checked the encyclopedia when cheating was necessary and never turned down a quick workout up the stairs. 

Don’t be a lazy millennial and get to places the way we did back then — with a horse! In the good old days, we used to raise them ourselves. Nowadays, you young folk can probably buy one on those phones you’re always staring at. 

Have fun ridin’, 

Doolino

 

Dear Doolino,

As a pre-medical student, I have to take so many labs every year — physics, chemistry, biology and more. I enjoy the experiments enough to endure the grueling three-hour sessions, the overenthusiastic groupmates and the endless post-lab assignments. However, there is one thing I just cannot handle — the ugly, outfit-ruining safety goggles.

I have managed to work around the rest of the restrictive dress code. I ensure my sneakers always match the blue of my lab coat and gloves. My black, Gucci leather pants go all the way down to my ankles. But what can I do to make the goggles match with the rest of my outfit?

Sincerely,

Fearful Fashionista 

 

Dear Fearful, 

There are other ways of protecting yourself from the dangerous chemicals you’ll be handling in class. You could inform your groupmates of your fashion dilemma, and ask them to handle the hydrochloric acid instead. Alternatively, keep your eyes closed throughout the entire experiment. You could also be really careful with the substances and take your chances. There’s an eyewash station in every room that you can quickly run to and save at least half of your vision.

Lastly, you can simply stop wearing the safety goggles! If you follow these tips, pretty soon, you won’t need them any longer.

Best of luck, 

Doolino