Spring is springing and campus is abuzz with excitement and events. From the long-awaited dismantling of the blue construction fences to the cultural excitement of Tibet week, spring is a time like no other at Emory. To help you make sense of it all, Doolino’s sage advice will come in handy.
I can’t contain my excitement for the opening of the Emory Student Center (ESC). My roommate tells me that spending hours every day staring at that gorgeous new building from our dorm window is unhealthy, and I think he might be right.
Once the ESC opens, we can finally say goodbye to the DUC-ling tent and to being awakened at 8 a.m. by loud construction noise. Not to mention, campus will look and feel a whole lot nicer. I don’t think I can wait until next year for the doors to open! What can I do to get rid of my infatuation with this building?
Dear Building Lover,
Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us. I can still remember when they were building Candler Library, 400 years ago. Everyone was bursting with excitement, but what helped us calm down was remembering all of life’s biggest horrors. It works wonders! Think the refugee crisis was bad in 2015? Wait 10 years, global warming-induced drought and famine will triple those numbers. Or, on a similar scale of suffering, there’s also the fact that DUC-ling food is often mediocre. Just sit in your room alone, reflecting on the world around you, and you’re sure to turn that smile upside down and forget about the new building in no time.
Happiness is fleeting,
I think SGA elections might be coming up, like sometime in the near future, maybe. But the thing is, I don’t care. Dwight Ma was the most exciting thing to ever happen to our student government, and now that his reign of hilarity has been brought to an end, I’m struggling to pay any attention. There were just so many juicy stories this year. Firings, impeachments, abuse of power, oh my! Unless we get a repeat this year, I’ll be back to yawning at any headline with the letters S,G and A in it.
I know voting is the responsible thing to do, and I know SGA controls a lot of tuition dollars, so tell me Doolino, how do I summon any ounce of interest?
The Eventual Undoing of American Democracy
Dear Eventual Undoing,
You’re a disgrace to your campus, but your feelings are unfortunately not uncommon. You’re probably thinking that there’s so many acronyms to keep track of: CC, SGA, even BBA Council. It’s like the New Deal all over again. There’s no easy way around this: you need to do your homework. Keep your eyes peeled for Wheel articles, press releases and Dwight Ma Facebook posts about SGA and, eventually, you’ll get the hang of it. Your Student Activity Fee hangs in the balance.
Once you finally dig into SGA’s shenanigans and discover the grim reality, I recommend you stage a revolution. I would suggest a Bernie Sanders-style revolt in which you depict SGA as a group of elite bureaucrats who run up the deficit without thinking about the needs of regular proletariat Emorians. The people will rise up around you and demand justice. Sure, you’ll alienate the one Republican on campus, but bringing about justice for working class Emory students will be well worth it.
My suggestion is that you run for office yourself. SGA doesn’t seem to know much about its own rules, so you’ll fit in just fine.
With Tibet Week coming up, I want to know how to get zen. I’m always so stressed about courses, and even when I don’t think I have any homework, I constantly feel like I’m forgetting about some massive test or paper. I took AP Yoga in high school, but I don’t think any of the concepts really sunk in. Could you share with me the path to enlightenment?
Nirvana, the Band, not the Concept
Health 100 is all you need. There’s a whole page about meditating in that $45 pamphlet that all the freshmen are forced to purchase. With that by your side, you’ll be able go toe-to-toe with the Dalai Lama any day. To help get in the groove, I recommend burning some incense. They’ve got some at Kaldi’s, but the good stuff is at CVS. I would also recommend some of the Teavana drinks at Starbucks. Nothing screams zen like $6 for a drink full of artificial food coloring.
Your next step is to loudly proselytize meditation. Feel free to staple posters about your meditation training club around campus, since we don’t have enough of those yet.