– On April 4 at 5:00 p.m., officers were contacted by an Emory staff member regarding a stolen coconut cake. According to the individual, the cake was stolen from her desk drawer while she was out of the room. The cake was valued at $3.
– Emory police received a call from a student whose bike was stolen sometime between April 3 and April 9 from the Rollins School of Public Health. The red bike along with a helmet and a U-Lock were taken. The incident has been turned over to an investigator.
– On April 12, Emory police received four phone calls around 2:22 p.m. regarding individuals trapped in an elevator in the Whitehead Research Building. When DeKalb Fire arrived, the individuals were taken out of the top hatch of the elevator.
– On April 11 at 2:52 a.m., officers received a report about an individual who was spending significant amounts of time in a “Porta-Potty” at the construction site near the Emory Law School. When officers arrived on the scene, the individual had laid a blanket over the toilet and was sleeping in the stall. Officers identified the individual and asked him to leave.
– On April 9, a group of students at Clairmont Tower contacted Emory police regarding a stolen laptop. According to the individuals, they left the penthouse level of the building for a short period of time and upon their arrival, a MacBook laptop valued at $1,000 was gone. The incident has been turned over to an investigator.
– Compiled by Asst. News Editor Dustin Slade
The Emory Wheel was founded in 1919 and is currently the only independent, student-run newspaper of Emory University. The Wheel publishes weekly on Wednesdays during the academic year, except during University holidays and scheduled publication intermissions.
The Wheel is financially and editorially independent from the University. All of its content is generated by the Wheel’s more than 100 student staff members and contributing writers, and its printing costs are covered by profits from self-generated advertising sales.
The Emory staff member who contacted the police about a stolen cake worth $3 should be fired. What a moron! What are the police supposed to do? Classic example of a worthless, entitled member of Emory’s administration that needs to lose their job in the next round of cuts.
Whatever, dude – coconut cake is delicious. If that’s not a priority, I don’t want to be at this school.
Don’t you get it? Cuts, cake, affordability, and coconuts? Don’t you see?
The cake is actually a metaphor for the university. Any way you slice it, it’s rich, flavorful, and has layers upon layers – and it takes time to build those layers. Yet they are what makes an impressive and delicious cake. And what a bargain, at $3!
But Emory doesn’t see the cake for what it its, what it gives to the community – the complexity, the hidden diversity between layers of buttercream and shaved coconut.
They see $3.
But those of us on the ground know – someone is taking our cake away from us.
The policeman, called in desperation – when it’s too late – he represents all of us in the Emory community – we only know what he have after it’s been secretly and surreptitiously taken from our own drawers.
Emory President Wagner, I bet you have some crumbs on your sleeves.
Another cut of cake? Don’t mind if I do!
Wait a minute – where did you say you got this cake?