Dear Doolino,
Now that it's fall, how do I live out my dark academia fantasies at Emory despite being in the South and everyone still wearing T-shirts to class?
Sincerely,
Fall Fanatic
Dear Fall Fanatic,
The time has come. The Atlanta mosquitoes that torment students and faculty alike, Brat summer horrors and ninety-degree weather have been engulfed in a puff of frosty air and skulked off to die deep underground. Yet, there are some people at Emory University — my lifeless eyes are looking at you, disturbingly high population of New Yorkers — that refuse to let their breezy summer aesthetics go. We are halfway through October, dear readers, and while Emory seems like the perfect place for wannabe Rory Gilmores to live out their oversized sweater fantasies, many students simply will not get with the program. Personally, the very thought of going outside in this weather without the warming coverage of my snazzy ensemble chills me to the bone — pun intended. While I am not the fashion police (although everybody was asking for me at the recent Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show), I can offer some tips and tricks to tune out the less seasonally sensible of us.
The final stage of grief is acceptance, Fall Fanatic. To fully embrace the dark academia lifestyle of your dreams, you must come to terms with the fact that, for many of the students around you, it simply is not that cold. If you are from the South, I know that this may come as a shock. Trust me, considering my years spent in hell, I am used to warm temperatures. But while walking to your 8:30 a.m. class may feel like trudging through a frosty tundra, others around you likely view the sixty-degree weather as normal — nay, pleasant. They are likely delusional from years of hypothermia in whatever frozen northern wasteland (some refer to it as “New Jersey”) they come from. Unfortunately, I have been informed that they have rights too and no sanctions can be imposed upon them for simply “ruining the vibe.” Like an unsightly blemish or your problematic uncle at Thanksgiving, I would simply suggest accepting that you cannot change those who stubbornly stick to t-shirts and shorts. Try your best to ignore their existence.
While you cannot change others, you do have free will, a privilege that I see squeaking baby first-years all too often abuse at Tongue & Groove Thursdays. Use the same sense of sheer desperation that you poured into all of your college application essays and convince your fellow students to join in on your well-intentioned fad of dark academia. As intellectualism is a core facet of the dark academia aesthetic, I would suggest finding the perfect study space to broaden your cognitive abilities. Arm yourself with a pumpkin spice latte and plenty of deodorant, then pull your computer science friends out of the lab. Instead, suggest a study session in the dark academia wannabe haven of Emory — the Matheson Reading Room. While many of these students will claim that they are too “locked in” to conform to an aesthetic, simply tell them that you have the “skeleton key” to let them out (meaning, of course, that I will hunt them down if they do not comply).
If you have no friends, do not fear, as solitude is a hallmark of an intellectual academia aesthetic. Simply don a turtleneck, purchase a collection of poems by Sylvia Plath and wander through the Quadrangle, stopping occasionally to stare solemnly at patches of gray clouds and shake your head. For maximum effectiveness, sob loudly at tour groups as they walk by. Slowly, your peers will become jealous of your emotional depth and intrigued by your undiscovered lore and join you, ditching their Birkenstocks and tank tops for knee-high boots and knit sweaters. All of this is well and good, but if you see anyone dressed in a top hat and black cape, I must request that you tell them to remove them at once — some aesthetics simply cannot be replicated by mere mortals.
Another key aspect of the dark academia lifestyle is secret societies, organizations or cults. If you are in search of a cult, I might suggest joining the Alpha Kappa Psi fraternity to suit your fancy. However, if you would prefer to keep your soul, then perhaps you can channel the dark academia spirit meant to be felt on a college campus by creating a society of your own. While Emory’s modern architecture is, unfortunately, a far cry from the towering gothic castles that may be governing your fantasy, there are still plenty of secluded locations for a secret society to meet. The tiny spaces underneath the beds of Samuel Candler Dobbs Hall are sufficiently cozy for a fall gathering, and the company of roaches would provide an authentic, medieval aura to the meeting. Additionally, if you are looking for an illustrious, distinguished figure for your organization to worship, I think that the choice is obvious.
The sad reality of this dismal Earth, and Emory’s misguided student body, is that no two students have the same idea of what constitutes autumn. Is it sweater weather? Is it nearly winter? Are the dreaded lime green banners and high temperatures of Brat summer still, in fact, lurking among us? With so many obstacles in your way, you may never fully get the fall of your dreams. However, with the help of seasonal beverages, peer pressure and a wardrobe revamp, you may succeed in romanticizing your ludicrous tuition, albeit, slightly. Isn’t that better than nothing? Stay warm, stay gothic and stay pretentious, Emorians. And always remember: Doolino knows best.
Doolino resides in Atlanta. | Doolino’s origins are yet to be discovered.
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