Romance movies get it all wrong — grand gestures of love are nothing compared to the consistent and small things people do every day. For example, when your friends go out of their way to see you when they’re busy, offer you their last piece of gum or even wave at you on the way to class. These little acts are what show you that you’re constantly being appreciated. Many of the things people do aren’t conscious decisions, so seeing how people react to you and act toward you shows that even on a subconscious level, they are always thinking about you and they aren’t doing it just for show. Don’t overlook the importance of small acts of love in your relationships.
There are many small ways in which people show love; however, if they differ from the love you’re used to, they can be hard to recognize. Life is hard and college can be especially isolating, but you’re never as alone as you imagine you are. There are so many little ways that people show you that they’re there for you, and that they’re willing to help you out if you ask.
Love has many definitions; to me, it’s respect, appreciation for others, kindness and going the extra mile for one another. Love doesn’t have to be epic or fairytale-like or even romantic for it to count.
For example, I feel known and appreciated whenever my friends send me messages to reference inside jokes or tell me about something they knew would capture my interest. I know they care about me when they lock eyes with me to wordlessly communicate their solidarity with how I’m feeling, or when they compliment my outfit and makeup. Even when their actions seem superficial, the energy and intention that these actions take is not lost on me.
Media portrayals of love often emphasize romantic love and big events to show it, such as expensive proposals, surprise parties, perfect dates and even weddings. However, famous Japanese film director and Studio Ghibli co-founder Hayao Miyazaki has a different perspective and goal in mind when portraying love.
Miyazaki has produced movies like “Howl’s Moving Castle” and “Whisper of the Heart,” in which he strives to depict life and love in more soft, gentle and somewhat unconventional ways as opposed to other media. To do this, Miyazaki focuses on characters inspiring one another to be themselves, see things in a new light, take breaks, and most of all, showing each other that they are never alone. Characters are honest with one another, and do everything from telling one another their dreams and sharing their favorite books to going on adventures together and standing up for each other.
Miyazaki has directed and produced a number of internationally popular movies that depict everything from magical adventures to “slice of life” stories; his movies and perspective on interpersonal relationships has had a big effect on how I view love and my relationships with others.
Due to Miyazaki’s movies, I feel encouraged to be more outgoing, honest and transparent in my relationships, but also to be truer to myself. Miyazaki’s characters aren’t afraid to be themselves, say what they feel or speak what’s on their mind, and because of this they are able to form genuine connections with one another.
“I want to portray a slightly different relationship, one where the two [people] mutually inspire each other to live — if I’m able to, then perhaps I’ll be closer to portraying a true expression of love,” says Miyazaki.
Miyazaki’s explanation of love as a way that people inspire each other to live is exactly what I mean by “the little things matter most”; grandiose actions and gestures aren’t what get you through hard times or keep your relationships strong on ordinary days. Small, everyday services that people do for one another are what really strengthen their relationships and inspire people to live and be our best selves. Even just being truer to themselves and honest with one another in their daily interactions is a small shift that deepens their connections with one another.
I’ve been paying closer attention to the people around me and have noticed many different ways that they show this sort of love. Love could be making sure you don’t forget your lunch or reading the books you offhandedly mentioned were your favorites. It’s waking up early to spend time together and it’s encouraging you to go after your passions, especially when it isn’t easy, and having faith that you’ll succeed even when you’re skeptical.
Love is when your friends don’t judge you for your quirks, but it’s also when they make fun of you because they know you so well. It’s when your friend sends you a song recommendation or funny video that they think you’d like. It’s small gestures to show you that they’re thinking about you. It’s standing by each other’s side and standing up for each other.
Love is remembering small details, like that class you’re on the waitlist for or that club you’re thinking about joining. It’s saving a story to tell you and excitedly recounting the details. Love is telling you everything about a horrible TV series and forcing you to watch it with them just to see you laugh.
Sure, they could buy you a chocolate fountain for Valentine’s Day, but that requires a lot less effort. Expressing an interest in even the small details of your everyday life and constantly showing up for you is what reveals real — and not just performative — love.
These are just a few ways in which people show that they care for each other. No matter how small or random, every action people take shows that they care about you; it’s impossible to miss if you know where to look.
I don’t need a bouquet of roses or an expensive cake; I feel most loved when my friends and family acknowledge and show interest in the things I’m interested in and when they spend time with me, even if we’re just studying. I feel loved when my friends rush to meet me exactly on time because they know I’m busy, or when they’re honest that they’ll be late.
Think about the people that are close to you and that you interact with often, and see if you can pick up on all the ways in which they show you they love you. In turn, when you spend time with them, think about what you do to show them that you care about them. Every action has some meaning behind it no matter how small; you’ll be surprised by what you notice when you pay attention.
Ultimately, love is how the people around you encourage you to be the best version of yourself, and how they remind you that you’re never alone. It’s also what inspired me to write this article. I never would’ve gotten the idea if it wasn’t for my friends and family and everything they do to inspire me and make my life better.
Jessie Satovsky (26C) is from San Francisco, California.
