This review contains spoilers.
10 minutes and 55 seconds: That’s all the time audiences have left with Michael Myers in “Halloween Ends,” and the time is entirely wasted. The final film in director David Gordon Green’s trilogy, this film is probably one of the first slasher movies to not take full advantage of the horror juggernaut that is Michael Myers (James Jude Courtney). Not only is he barely in the movie, he is sidelined by Corey Cunningham (Rohan Campbell), a wannabe newcomer who is terrorized by marching band bullies for almost the entire runtime, just to give you a sense of how truly menacing he is. Despite a good amount of mediocre outings, at least they never dropped the ball by making “The Shape” the centerpiece of their films (ignoring “Halloween III: Season of the Witch”). With a laughable plot, kindergarten-level character analyses and horrendous cinematography, “Halloween Ends” crashes and burns in everything it sets out to do in its exhausting 111-minute runtime.
Released Oct. 14, “Halloween Ends” opens up with a scene of babysitter Corey accidentally killing a young boy named Jeremy (Jaxon Goldenberg) after trapping him in an attic to tease him about Michael Myers. Why anybody in Haddonfield would still go out and leave their children with babysitters is lost on me. Corey repeatedly kicks the door, and when he finally breaks it, Jeremy is sent flying over the balcony, dying in front of the doorway as his parents arrive home. The reason I describe this first scene so vividly is because of one issue that plagues the entire film: Everybody who gets killed, with the exception of one background radio receptionist, are made so hilariously unlikeable you cannot help but laugh and cheer when they get taken out. In most formulaic slasher movies, the gratuitous murder of a disliked character is enjoyable, but it loses its whimsy if it happens throughout the entire film, especially if the slasher film’s oxymoronic message is literally “evil is bad.”
Corey and Michael’s first interaction occurs after Corey gets thrown off an overpass by his marching band bullies, and Michael pulls him into the sewage hole he’s been living in for four years. Michael then becomes the first serial killer empath, sensing that Corey has gone through his own trauma and letting him go, seemingly trusting him to kill as an extension of Michael. The “Halloween” franchise cannot agree as to what exactly Michael Myers is. He’s either an overpowered psychopath plaguing the town of Haddonfield with an eternal distaste for Laurie Strode, or he is a supernatural entity representing the living embodiment of evil. “Halloween” (2018) was so successful because it stuck with the former, pitting Michael and Laurie against each other with a nice Batman-Joker dynamic. However, both “Halloween Kills” (2021) and “Halloween Ends” stuck with the latter, turning the town of Haddonfield into a wannabe, Halloween-themed “Lord of the Flies” devoid of nuance or understanding of how human beings actually act.
Honing in on the characters, Jamie Lee Curtis is as captivating as ever as Laurie Strode, now in a more protective grandmother role. Though, this is where my compliments for the cast stop. Laurie’s granddaughter, Allyson Nelson (Andi Matichak) lacks any conviction. It’s not that the actress isn’t trying with what she's given, but Allyson truly has to be the most unintelligent character on screen. Not only does she fall in love with Mr. Involuntary Manslaughter, Corey Cunningham, she chastises her grandma for not trusting him after he clearly turns insane. Courtney as Michael Myers gives a more compelling performance with his few head turns and grunts than the rest of the Haddonfield cast.
Pretty much my only compliment of the movie is Michael and Laurie’s final showdown in her house. Ignoring the fact that Michael Myers is the first horror movie slasher that learned how to use Zillow (Seriously, how did he know where she lived?), it was at least nice to see them finally go at it after the sludgefest that was the rest of the movie. Even then, there’s clearly a stark drop-off in fight quality from “Halloween” (2018) and “Halloween Ends,” but at that point, I was just happy to see Michael on screen. Once Laurie wins, the Haddonfield police department (another oxymoron) along with the town residents publicly execute Michael in a junkyard crusher.
All in all, “Halloween Ends” is an unsatisfying, unscary and unnecessary addition to the Michael Myers lore. A trilogy of soft-reboot movies were not necessary, as the same could have been achieved with a satisfying conclusion in “Halloween” (2018). The film failed in every category it set out to achieve. So, if you like your time, your money and general sanity, do not waste your time with this movie.
