Your On Fire correspondent’s possible gambling addiction resurfaced with his (or her) Oscar bracket last night and a Venmo charge of $500. Your On Fire correspondent would like to know what strain of marijuana the Board of Governors smoked when they chose to not even nominate “The Lego Movie,” for both Best Animated Feature, let alone Best Picture. And he (or she) would also like to know where he (or she) can purchase some of said marijuana.
But your On Fire correspondent does not make his (or her) living as a film critic. He (or she) makes said living as a sports critic. Therefore, our loyal readers, your On Fire correspondent presents the “All Time Sports Movie Oscars.” (Note: The unqualified editors of The Emory Wheel insisted that this list, like the Oscars, create unnecessary suspense, so this will merely be Part One of a two-part award ceremony.)
- The Film That Fills Your Throat With the Most Nostalgia: “The Sandlot”
This is a film about boyhood, about mischief and Babe Ruth. Now, your youthful
On Fire correspondent was not alive back in 1962, when this film takes place, but he (or she) sure as hell played baseball every day of his (or her) summers. In fact, your
On Fire correspondent was to Derek Jeter as Scotty Smalls is to Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez, only your
On Fire correspondent’s bromance with DJ is a little stronger.
- Best Locker Room Speech: Coach Herb Brooks (Kurt Russell) in “Miracle”
“Great moments are born from great opportunity.” Need your
On Fire correspondent say more?
- Best Sports Film With Live Action and Animation: “Space Jam”
How is this even a contest? Bugs is hilarious. The aliens are horrifying antagonists. Lola Bunny is the second hottest animated chick — of course, after Jessica Rabbit in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” — to ever set foot on a live action/animation set. Bill Murray is a heart throb. And MJ deserved his own award for his perfect combination of swagger and bad acting. (Bonus: if you Google “Space Jam,” you’ll find the film’s original 1996 website, and it’s fucking awesome.)
- Best Beam Routine in a Movie: “Stick It”
Blood, sweat, tears and leotards. “Stick It” is the best gymnastics movie of all time. The story of a young, rebellious girl sent to gymnastics training camp instead of jail. Could a person ask for much more?!
