As an Emory Student Ambassador, I have the opportunity to speak with prospective and newly admitted students, along with their families. I am asked a wide range of questions, but my least favorite question remains the same: Do you have any advice for a college freshman? I dislike answering this question because it puts me in an awkward situation. In reality, the advice I want to give isn't usually the advice they want to hear, especially the families, so I answer with the standard "be yourself" and "get involved on campus." What I really want to tell them is advice that I wish someone had told me. Make choices that will further your relationships, not only your GPA.
With the steep price of tuition, getting your money's worth is important. Good grades are essential to being admitted into graduate programs, finding research grants and getting into programs like Teach for America, and extracurricular activities make you a well-rounded, interesting person. But you should also foster meaningful relationships that can develop your personality and potential.
One of the most overused clichés is that you learn more outside of the classroom than you do in it, but you don't learn these lessons alone. Sitting alone by Dunkin' Donuts drinking coffee while looking at cat pictures on Tumblr doesn't teach you much about social relationships, but it may teach you how to effectively avoid spilling coffee on your phone case.
Relationships are an absolute necessity, both with people inside and outside your peer group. Without these relationships, there is no way to learn the skills you need to be learning outside the classroom. Grades are a mark on a piece of paper or a collection of pixels on a screen. They might tell you the number of questions you answered correctly, or the opinion of someone else on your paper, but they can't tell you how to make choices, laugh at jokes and handle being upset. Grades won't be the thing you call at 4:30 a.m. when you are alone and afraid. No one will care that you earned an A over an A- in biology when you are sitting on the side of the road with a flat tire and no money. Your friends will.
Instead of concentrating only on grades, tests and papers, focus on making decisions that will create meaningful relationships with those around you. Get involved with groups and organizations that peak your interest, but may not have any members that you know personally. This will allow for relationships to grow out of moments that you share and for new friendships to form, which can then be expanded outside of the shared activity. If you use extracurricular activities to meet people you might otherwise not have ever spoken to, they might become some of your best friends.
One of the biggest complaints I hear about the job market today is that "it is all political" and "it's who you know, not what you know." If this is the market climate then I am convinced relationships are equally as important as grades and activities. We are fortunate to have the chance to not only further our own academic knowledge, but to meet other smart and talented people. In that mix could be a potential friend, mentor or future boss. Learning how to navigate these relationships is essential for the future.
Working with a mentor on applications and recommendation letters and talking with members of an organization about conflicts are learned skills that develop with practice. Each one is unique and we must apply skills, such as conflict resolution and effective communication, which we learn from relationships but are valuable elsewhere.
A reoccurring theme of those in high profile leadership positions is the fact that many of them know each other, not from meeting while in their current positions, but from undergraduate or graduate school. These people built relationships with those around them while they were navigating college together. One of the traits of a good leader and a successful person is the ability to recognize greatness and the potential for success in others and to befriend these people. It is important to seek relationships with those people who possess qualities that you want in friends and other relationships.
Equally as important is to choose friends with whom you will be proud to have an association with. It is an unfortunate reality that while we may see someone for who they are, others do not. The relationships we chose to cultivate are often taken as an indication of who we are. Our choice to be associated with other people is used to make assumptions about us, sometimes unfairly. While that is not to say that you should always be concerned about how being friends with someone looks, it is important to choose friends who value what you value and are what you hope to be.
We are often judged by the company we keep, but we can often choose that company.
Because relationships are crucial to a successful college experience, it is even more important that they are chosen with care and intention. It is easy to simply keep the same relationships that were developed in the early years of attending a college. You have had them the longest and you feel comfortable with them. It is important to maintain relationships with people whose company you enjoy, but also to branch out and make new friends.
College is one of the few times in life when you are surrounded by people who have led vastly different lives from yours. This variety yields many chances to meet diverse people and form friendships. It is perfectly fine to know that some friendships aren't meant to be life long, but that doesn't prevent the formation of meaningful relationships, even if they are brief.
Friendships can often be intentionally developed. Finding friends isn't always easy and it shouldn't be, because true friendship isn't easy. But it is worth it. So find people you want to be friends with and work just as hard to foster those relationship as you would to make the grade on that midterm.
Very rarely do you hear people say the best moments in college were receiving an A on a paper, but rather the best moments come from doing things with friends. Relationships in college not only provide fun, but they develop us as people and allow us to become who we want to be, now and in the future.
– Alli Buettner is a College sophomore from St. Louis, Missouri.