1. On Fire Is Watching Oklahoma–Baylor
And you should be too. Baylor is good for the first time in literally ever. And not just kind of good. Like, "beating every single team that dares to challenge them by 70 points" good. Robert Griffin III literally dipped this program in a river and made them immortal once he left.
And Oklahoma is Oklahoma, which means they're consistently pretty good and will probably find a way to win the Big 12 (which has 10 teams – did you know that?) despite looking pretty average-to-good the entire season.
So it's on! Oklahoma's quarterback is a giant monster Godzilla-like creature, and their defense is great, so this'll hopefully be a good one.
2. Baylor Is Up 3-0
And this is not what your On Fire correspondent signed up for! Baylor is supposed to drop 60,000 points on everyone's head no matter who they are. Only slightly-related: their running back is named Lache Seastrunk. Pronounced "Lake Sea-strunk." He is actually a whaling captain trapped in a running back's body, which makes for a pretty awesome running back all things considered.
3. The Apocalypse Is Here
Baylor just punted.
4. Your On Fire Correspondent Is Considering Switching to Troy-Louisiana Lafayette
Sort of, because this game is boring thus far. And Louisiana–Lafayette's team is called the Ragin' Cajuns, which is just so perfect and politically incorrect that your On Fire correspondent doesn't even know where to start.
5. Your On Fire Correspondent Switched to Troy–Louisiana Lafayette
Only for a second, okay? He wanted to see what the score was (the Ragin' Cajuns are winning 21-6).
6. Baylor Just Committed Three Personal Fouls in a Row
They are obviously frustrated and confused that the offense is failing to score points. "We're not winning by 50 points? TAKE OFF EVERY OKLAHOMA PLAYER'S HEAD."
The Oklahoma player no longer has a head, but Oklahoma is deep in Baylor territory now so they'll probably take it.
7. Urban Legends
Baylor has a defensive coordinator?
8. On Fire Apologizes to Baylor's Apparently Existent Defensive Coordinator
Baylor must read On Fire. Oklahoma is on pace for 80 total yards and were just stuffed on fourth and goal.
9. THIS GAME IS A DEFENSIVE BATTLE
Baylor was on the one-inch line and was promptly tackled in the end zone for a safety. This game is confusing, and football makes zero sense. 3-2, y'all.
10. 3-2 is a Hockey Score
It appears Oklahoma realized this and returned the safety free kick pretty darn close to the end zone. To top it all off, he was decked by a kicker on the sidelines. Kicker-decks are a rare thing of beauty. This game has already lived up to expectations and then some.
11. "Blake Bell to pass"
Why??
12. Nope, Still Playing Hockey
It appears Oklahoma realized this and returned the safety free kick pretty darn close to the end zone. To top it all off, he was decked by a kicker on the sidelines. Kicker-decks are a rare thing of beauty. This game has already lived up to expectations and then some.
Unfortunately, your On Fire correspondent's computer has only a few minutes of battery left. If you liked this, follow him at @EmoryOnFire! #shamelessplug
