1. A Moment to Gloat
I am a Houstonian. I love barbecue, Mexican food and baseball. I know all about humidity, traffic jams and losing.
And it is both my great pleasure and profound honor to inform my loyal readers that the Houston Astros currently sit at first place in the American League West.
That was not a typo – our copy editors are too good for that. These are the same Astros who have lost a combined total of 213 games over the last two seasons (that is an average of 106.5 games a year, for you English majors out there).
These are the same Lastros (see what I did there?) that many experts believe will give the 1962 Mets – the team that lost 120 games and earned the distinction of being known as the Worst Baseball Team of All Time – a run for their money.
These are the same Astros whom I love with every fiber of my being and the same Astros who, I would like to remind all of my loyal readers again, currently sit at first place in the American League West.
The Astros beat their in-state rival, the Texas Rangers, who are generally held to be the favorite in the American League West this year. The Rangers certainly are the more chic – I'm not entirely certain as to the correct usage of this word, but you know what I mean – team in Texas. They have reached the playoffs three years in a row and are named after some of the coolest dudes ever to patrol the frontier.
Plus, they are super-duper rich. Their payroll is a cool $90 million higher than the Astros. In fact, the salaries of the Rangers' two star players, Adrian Beltre and Ian Kinsler, add up to more than the entire 25-man roster of the Astros makes.
The Astros may not have money. But they have heart. They have courage. They have a love of the game.
Ok, I can sense that I'm losing my audience. Just let this serve as a warning that the Yankees, Red Sox, Rangers, and all other powers-that-be in the American League should watch their backs, because the Astros are coming for them.
But to be safe, the 1962 Mets should probably watch their backs to.
Now on to March Madness.
2. March Madness
The great thing about March Madness is that its namesake month is over, but the Madness is not.
The Final Four starts Friday just down the road in the Georgia Dome, and Louisville, Michigan, Syracuse and Wichita State will all be there. The Wheel Sports Team, however, will not be.
Once again, that was not a typo. Once again, our copy editors are too good for that.
No, this aged and veneration institution of intrepid and objective reporting, the oldest financially-independent newspaper on a college campus in the North Druid Hills area, the home of both On Fire and the Sports Genie, has been denied press passes to the event (and is too cheap to pay for normal tickets).
Also, just to be clear, naming Wichita State as one of the four teams in the Final Four was also not a typo. Though you may be excused for thinking that it was. Surely the Wheel Sports Team has as much of a right to be at the Final Four as these guys.
Who can even tell me what state Wichita State is in? In fact, I will issue a personal guarantee right now that more of my readers could tell me what state The Emory Wheel is located in than could tell me what state Wichita State is in (according to Wikipedia, the answers are Georgia and Kansas).
It just makes no sense to me how the NCAA could deny a press pass to us.
Not only are we an NCAA school, not only did we ask very nicely, but the Sports Genie has tens of readers, every single one of whom is surely dying to read about his first-hand impressions of the tournament.
Each and every one of you should feel cheated right now. So we will have to settle for things that the internet can tell me about the tournament.
I would love to supplement this analysis with personal anecdotes from having watched practices and talked to players in the locker room, but since the good folks at the NCAA denied me and my readers that option, suffice it to say that Louisville is good.
They lost only five games in the regular season. The first was to Duke, and they earned their revenge on the No. 2-seeded Blue Devils in the Elite Eight, routing them by a score of 85-63.
The last was to Notre Dame in quintuple (that means five) overtime. The middle three happened all in a row near the end of January, and since everyone knows that bad luck happens in threes, I'm going to dismiss those as a fluke.
Effectively, Louisville has not lost a game this year, and I see no reason for this to change.
Michigan and Syracuse are each decent. They are both number four seeds, and lost seven and nine games this year, respectively.
They are both also utterly boring, and I will waste no more time talking about them.
That leaves Wichita State. They only lost eight games this year, but come on – they are Wichita State. Their team name is the Shockers, and that is exactly what they did. No one saw this coming.
Seriously, if Wichita State can go to this tournament, why not The Emory Wheel?
– By Bennett Ostdiek
Photo courtesy of Bradiward, Flickr
