We at On Fire love nothing better than a good practical joke. That is why we feel compelled to offer that much sought prize, our official salute, to Peyton Manning.
Manning has done many great things over the years. He is a pretty good actor, having starred in a truly astronomical number of commercials.
Ever the diligent reporter, your intrepid On Fire correspondent decided to do a little research to find out exactly how many commercials Manning had been in. This research largely took place on Google.
According to Yahoo! Answers, he has been in "eight commercials and deserves every one." Your perceptive On Fire correspondent, however, is nothing if not detail-oriented. It turns out that this answer, which was the "Best Answer," as chosen by the voters, is six years old. Your On Fire correspondent watches a lot of TV and can say with near-certainty that Manning has been in at least one more commercial since then.
So, in light of this profound insight, your On Fire correspondent turned to other answer-generating services on the internet, hoping to find the answer to this question. After long hours of searching, it became apparent that WikiAnswers had the goods.
"Too freaking many," was the insightful response of one anonymous answerer. Not quite as strong a Manning supporter as our friend over at Yahoo! Answers, he (or she, your fair-minded On Fire correspondent is working on not making heteronormative assumptions) went on to add, "Hey Payton, take a page from Tom Brady ... less time on TV, more time winning Superbowls."
At On Fire, it is our policy when selecting sources not to discriminate based on accuracy or correctness of spelling. As such, we ask our readers to ignore the fact that our WikiAnswers correspondent is unable to spell "Peyton" correctly and does not realize that "Super Bowl" is two words. In all likelihood, he (or she, we almost slipped up again) is lazy rather than ignorant. Either way, we appreciate their input.
Whether the true number of commercials Manning has starred in is six, too freaking many or somewhere in between (we find it hard to believe that Manning could ever be in too many commercials), our readers should be able to agree that he is a pretty good actor (assuming, as we at On Fire do in every aspect of our lives, that practice makes perfect, or at least half-way decent).
But he is also an okay football player. He was the number one overall pick in the 1998 NFL draft and has not looked back since. As the quarterback of the Indianapolis Colts, he led them to eight division championships, two conference championships and one Super Bowl title.
On an individual level, he made 12 Pro Bowls and won the most valuable player award four times in the regular season and once in the Super Bowl. Sports Illustrated named him the NFL player of the decade for the 2000s. But my readers could have learned all of the above from the introduction to Manning's Wikipedia page (indeed, that is where your On Fire correspondent learned all of it). What we at On Fire really want our readers to know is that there is more to Manning than just being an okay football player and a pretty good actor.
He is also an excellent practical joker. Manning demonstrated this aspect of his personality last week. He invited several of his Broncos teammates to work out with him last week at the training facilities of Duke University (N.C.), including wide receiver Eric Decker. Manning then sent Decker what Yahoo! described as a "very official-looking invoice," charging him a grand total of $3,217.50 for the weekend of workouts.
Your On Fire correspondent clicked on the link to view the fake invoice and confirmed that it indeed is very official-looking. The bill included a charge of $2,500 for on field instruction from the Duke Football Coaching Staff (what the Duke Football Coaching Staff could possibly have done to deserve either $2,500 or to be written in capital letters is anyone's guess), $100 for laundry, $200 for taping and $300 for the "facility fee." However, the airport shuttle was free. That adds up to $3,100, but the total charge on the invoice was mysteriously only $3,000. Plus, of course, a 7.25 percent sales tax.
It turns out that Peyton was only joking. According to his Twitter, Decker is taking the joke in good humor, and we at On Fire certainly are laughing.
