Aries
Happy birthday, Aries, whether it's belated, coming up soon or today! Your lucky numbers contain a combination of the digits zero through nine and your lucky color shows up on the visible electromagnetic spectrum. Have a good birthday!
Taurus
Man/woman/non-binary gender affiliation-up already and ask your crush out. The worst they can say is no, and the worst that can happen is a meteor striking our campus and wiping out life as we know it. And you won't get to talk to your crush to boot.
Gemini
Gemini, you deserve someone in your life who appreciates you, warts and all. But you should definitely let your "someone" know if you suffer from, ahem, those special kind of warts.
Cancer
It's tempting to blow your paycheck when you receive it, but it would behoove you to try to budget and not say "yes" every time your friends want to order Chinese. Just think of the future and how someday you will be able to afford to use fancy words like "behoove."
Leo
Be patient, Leo. Good things come to those who wait. But by that same token, Disney princesses who wait for their princes to find them tend to get men who kiss girls they presume are dead. You have to put forward some sort of effort.
Virgo
You are neither an optimist, a pessimist or a realist. You are an opportunist, one who drinks the water in the glass while the other three are arguing about it. Keep on being you, Virgo.
Libra
One of your scales is being weighed down, Libra. Assess the relationships you maintain, and get rid of a few toxic ones. Dementors should only belong in the "Harry Potter" universe.
Scorpio
Pay attention to Libra's horoscope, Scorpio, because habits can be Dementors, too. Just stop and think, "What do I really want out of life right now?" and go do that instead of checking Facebook for the bazillionth time. And even if you really just want a frozen yogurt out of life right now, go and get it.
Sagittarius
You don't need to be the centaur of attention all the time, Sagittarius. (Centaur? Get it? No?) You're special and talented, but other people are, too. When your friend wins a baking competition, let him have his cake and eat it too. Unless that's against the baking competition's rules.
Capricorn
All right, goat-fish Capricorn, this school year is rapidly coming to a close and that means change. Some things you won't be able to control, but others you can. Change your mind. Change your outlook. Change your clothes. Not in public, though.
Aquarius
You are a water-bearer, Aquarius, so why are you so rigid and stressed right now? Be flowing and fluid, calm and centered, like a beginner's yoga video on Hulu. But not advanced yoga, because it's hard to be calm while you're trying to put your foot behind your head and stand on one hand.
Pisces
Find the water your fishy self belongs in. "Fishy" here is meant metaphorically since Pisces is represented by the fish. If you are actually fishy, a shower may be in order for you.
Horoscopes by Grace Cummings
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