Doolino Knows Best: Free Fallin’

DoolinoIt’s suddenly cold in Atlanta, which accurately reflects the hearts of the student population right now. For a variety of reasons, ranging from the minor nuisance of dodgy campus Wi-Fi to the life-changing issue of certain international students not being able to travel home, negativity persists in many shapes and sizes. It is at this juncture where I would normally contrast my sour world outlook with some vague, optimistic buzzword to fulfill my word count, but given the gravity of certain people’s situations, I cannot falsely promise that my advice will do any meaningful good. I encourage you to read what I have to say, because even if I cannot offer to you a morsel of useful guidance, at the very least allow me to put even the smallest of smirks on your otherwise sad and tired face.

Dear Doolino,

I didn’t get a bid from the fraternity I wanted to join. I had been working so hard to be a brother, but now I feel like all the work I put in was a waste of time. What do I do? On one hand, I could wait till next year to rush again, but on the other hand I could accept another bid because not being a part of a frat would basically end my social life.

Sincerely,

Nervous Fratmosphere

Dear Nervous Fratmosphere,

Call me David Frattenborough, because you’re asking the number-one guy when it comes to commentating on people’s Greek life escapades. It is imperative to mention that you are more than a fraternity; your social life does not depend on whether or not you are a brother. Don’t give yourself up to whatever fraternity wants you out of compulsion. Do it because it is the right place for you. Each frat is more than just a tool to get yourself drunk.

With this in mind, I cannot give you a solid answer to your question. Instead, ask yourself this: did I enjoy my time at the rush events of the frats I got bids from? If the answer is “yes” then accept your bid! If not, then wait until next year, with the expectation that you won’t have less fun just because you didn’t pledge.

From Doolino

Dear Doolino,

Okay, so I don’t have a job right now due to … reasons, but the point is I need some sort of income flow fast, otherwise they are going to come after me. I have about $30 in my bank account right now and that is definitely not going to be enough to satisfy the boss. He told me my actions would have consequences, but I wasn’t expecting this. What do you think I should do?

Sincerely,

MafiaMan1

Dear MafiaMan1,

Ignoring the “minor” details of your question, what you’re basically asking is the question of literally everyone with a pulse: “how to make money, fast.” There is no good answer, but your first plan of action should be to approach the Career Center. While a good chunk of campus jobs may no longer be available, there may well be something there for you.

Though this might not be as sustainable as a regular job, sell old books and appliances on the Emory Buy & Sell Facebook group. Without a use for my old texts (such as my signed copy of the Declaration of Independence), it made perfect sense for me to sell them. You may not realize it, but some of your stuff may just be your ticket to paying back “the boss.”

There is very little else I can help you with. In the future, apply for on-campus jobs earlier on in the semester (rather than relying on your rather dubious streams of income).

From Doolino

Dear Doolino,

I live off campus in an apartment. For the past few months, I have owned a dog named Buddy, whom my landlord’s kids like to play with on a daily basis. However, out of nowhere, my landlord suddenly imposed a ban on pets while I was taking Buddy for a walk and he did not let me bring Buddy back into the building. He said that it is because his son was bitten by a different dog; therefore, all dogs must be vicious creatures. How do I remedy the situation?

Sincerely,

Embuddyment of Peace

Dear Embuddyment,

Irrationally characterizing all puppies as evil just because of a single anecdotal experience is not a reasonable justification for your landlord’s actions. Given that the dogs add so much to your apartment’s community, and seeing that the landlord’s kids play with Buddy, you would think your landlord has the sanity to see the flaws in his or her new living conditions.


There is little to do but talk to your landlord. Use your tools of reason, logic and patience to try and get them to see the fallacies in their argument. It is only when you challenge an opponent with these qualities that anyone will even bother trying to listen.

From Doolino
For your day-to-day qualms and minor life crises, send anonymous questions to: [email protected]

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