A.J. Artis

It has been a sincere pleasure to serve as your humor columnist this year. Rather than tell you about anything worth hearing, I’m going to tell you about humor. Someone asked me the secret to humor. I told him a ...

This is my rejected commencement speech. It is about what it means to be an Emory student. It is called, “Bulldozing the Past: A Swan Song for the DUC.” Too often seniors attempt to classify Emory students in generalization — ...

I shouldn’t have gone to the Wagner Open Forum drunk. Apparently, it’s frowned upon to snort when you’re told, “All questions must be submitted in Twitter form.” I asked an organizer of the event why we must send Twitter messages ...

This week I learned that I should probably buy a gun. Allow me to explain. I don’t work in the Georgia Capitol. I work across the street from the Georgia Capitol. I told my high school teachers I work at ...

Dear A.J., Is Chick-fil-A being removed from campus for political reasons? If so, what about Pizza Hut? What has Pizza Hut done to deserve the wrath of the LGBT community? Sincerely, Engayged Student Dear Engayged, I’m glad you asked this ...

Editor’s note: Sometimes our writers are challenging and uncooperative. Other times they produce works of wonder. This is not one of those times. My girlfriend says I spend too much time playing FIFA at my frat house. What should I ...

Dear A.J., I’m a black person, and I read what President Wagner wrote about the 3/5ths compromise, but I don’t understand what’s going on. Should I be offended? How should I discuss race in the future? Sincerely, Am I an ...

Editor’s Note: This week, A.J. couldn’t come up with an idea for a humor column. Luckily, [email protected], the e-mail account we set up last semester to collect your questions, has been slowly piling up with submissions ever since. This week, ...

Last Friday, I went to the Highland Lake apartment complex across from Clairmont. It has a gate, but everyone drives through the exit instead. Americans are innovators. My friend Tagg drove me there. His new car is orange. It’s the ...