On Fire 9-25-2012

1. The Queen of Sports

This is a little known fact, but your patriotic On Fire correspondent loves beach volleyball. It has everything that a sport should have — a ball, a net, four hot girls running, diving and jumping around on the sand in bikinis (as long as its warmer than 60 degrees outside — thanks, London).

There is no purer contest of sport in the entire world. The fact that Americans dominate in beach volleyball and that the sport is played in swimsuits is not relevant to your purist On Fire correspondent’s love of the game. The fact that he (or she) does not watch men’s beach volleyball is beside the point.

So, with such an appreciation for the game already, you can only imagine the feelings of awe and amazement that swept through you overwhelmed On Fire correspondent when the news broke. What? You have not heard? It has been all over Yahoo!

That is correct, Kerri Walsh (your smitten On Fire correspondent refuses to use her married last name of Jennings) won a gold medal this summer while five weeks pregnant.

While it saddens your infatuated On Fire correspondent that this marriage of hers appears to be quite serious, he (or she) cannot help but think that this is awesome.

It is hard enough to win a gold medal — Walsh has now won three! And the third one, against the toughest ever competition and while she was at her oldest, she won while carrying another living thing inside of her stomach.

And to top it all off, it is not like your respectful-of-women On Fire correspondent was looking or anything, but her stomach looked like a washboard. That is a high standard for your lonely On Fire correspondent’s future wife to live up to.

But she will. That is a separate matter, though.

Reportedly, Walsh discovered her situation because she was “moody and touchy” in London. Honestly, this just sounds like a normal woman to your sexist On Fire correspondent.

Nonetheless, from all of us here at On Fire, kudos to Kerri.


2. Replacement Refs

As our loyal readers know all too well, we at On Fire love the replacement referees in the NFL. Especially the female one.

Well, they have done it again. Sunday’s Vikings-49ers game provides the best illustration of the havoc being sown by a woman referee being in the league.

Admittedly, she was not actually involved in these plays, or even this game. But it is a matter of principle.

So to start things off, the officials call an illegal block on the 49ers during a kickoff. But the 49ers are the kicking team. How can there be an illegal block by the kicking team?

Trick question. There cannot be. Because the kicking team does not block, it tackles!

In the words of head referee Ken Roan, “By rule, there is no flag on the play.”

Let us fast-forward to the fourth quarter. Vikings running back Toby Gerhart makes a three-yard run. At the end of the play, 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh uses his third and final time out. Then, he realizes that Gerhart might have fumbled on the play and throws his challenge flag.

However, you cannot challenge if you have no timeouts left. Because if you get the challenge wrong, what will they take away?

So, Harbaugh goes and asks the referee, very politely, if he could maybe possible get his timeout back. Being a kind and considerate fellow, Roan agrees. Harbaugh won the challenge. In the words of Roan, “that was wrong.”

Of course, karma works its magic, and four plays later, the 49ers throw an interception. Two plays later, Harbaugh used the timeout that had so kindly been given back to him to challenge another fumble (he lost this one).

By our count, that is two illegal challenges allowed by the replacements.

That is what you get for involving women with the NFL.


3. Dancing Dolphins

This weekend, Dolphins defensive end Jared Odrick sacked Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez and then performed Peewee Herman’s “Tequila” dance. No one at Emory probably knows what this dance is, but the video is still great.

Next up (has this happened yet?): someone sacks Tebow, then Tebow’s right next to him.