It has been a memorable year here at On Fire.
We have seen LeBron James warn the federal government about a natural disaster, Kobe Bryant live-tweet from the sidelines of a Lakers’ game and people from Chicago celebrate in a singularly strange manner.
We have discussed the merits of hot wings versus Swedish models, determined exactly what is so weird about Europe and soccer and ranked our favorite athletes/rappers.
We have opened an internship program which will possibly give participants four course credits and a HAPW requirement, and though we have not yet had any applicants, we are optimistic for its future.
We have considered hosting an open forum, and ultimately decided that we had better things to do.
We have successfully avoided any and all constructive dialogues on issues of race, class, social justice, the environment, gender, drugs or any other important topic you could name.
All in all, it has been a banner year for On Fire.
2. A Hero Goes Dark
In light of the ongoing NBA playoffs, LeBron James has turned off his cell phone.
Our first instinct is to praise him for this. After all, he is displaying supreme focus and absolute determination is pursuit of a noble and lofty goal – that is, an NBA Championship.
But then, we thought about all the natural disasters LeBron has warned the government about this year.
In truth, he has only warned the government about one disaster. But that is one more than your On Fire correspondent has warned the government about, and that is probably one more than any of my readers have warned the government about. (If you have warned the government about a natural disaster this year, please consider applying to On Fire’s internship program this summer. We could really use skills like yours.)
For those of you who are unaware (all our loyal readers of On Fire should be aware, but we will repeat ourselves for the sake of the parents who have come to town for graduation and do not follow us on our blog), LeBron was driving around Dayton County and saw signs of flooding the other week.
He took pictures of the flooding, uploaded them to Instagram and tweeted them. Through this, the National Weather Service discovered the natural disaster.
In light of LeBron’s decision, we at On Fire feel compelled to warn all the residents of the greater Miami area to extra alert for possible natural disasters. Your greatest protector has gone dark.
3. Creative Names
The Bowl Champion Series (BCS) unveiled the name of the new college football playoff this week. It will be called “College Football Playoff.”
In a follow-up question, a reporter asked the Executive Director of the BCS, Bill Hancock, if the name of his dog is “Dog.” Hancock replied that he does not own a dog.
But joking aside, this name is brilliant for many reasons.
First of all, the acronym: CFP. Does that not just roll of the tongue? It sounds sweet and silky smooth, like Dove chocolate.
Second, it leaves in just enough room to add in a title sponsor. College Football Playoff, brought to you by Skittles: Taste the Rainbow. Say it a few times – there is a nice ring to it.
The words NCAA or FCS or Division I-A are nowhere in sight. If and when major college football goes rogue and ditches all other institutional connections in favor of a loose confederation of SEC schools, Texas and Ohio State, the name will not have to be changed.
The words “National,” “Championship” or “Title” are nowhere in sight. This way, no one can legally challenge the College Football Playoff on the grounds that it is unfairly excluding someone. This is not the end all and be all of football games. This is just some college football teams holding a playoff.
There are no numbers involved like college basketball’s Final Four, meaning that it can be expanded to whatever size the non-national and non-championship-bestowing group of college football teams wants it to be expanded to – in short, it can be expanded as long as the powers-that-be can still make money off it.
All in all, this name is brilliant.