Aries
How can you remain so calm with the weird weather and the Supreme Court deciding on gay marriage’s constitutionality!? No, seriously, how are you calm right now? If you do not start freaking out, a cold wind of doom will blow your way.
Taurus
Did you store your winter clothes after Spring Break? Wasn’t that a bad idea? Well, you made the conscious decision to go to school in Georgia, so here’s some advice: never take away your winter clothes in the spring. Never take away your summer clothes for fall. In fact, have all of your possessions at your disposal at all times, otherwise you will never fall in love.
Gemini
It’s that weird interim between receiving your midterm grades while also gearing up for final papers, projects and tests. You’ve had a rough time of it so far, but don’t worry. Things are looking up for you. In fact, next week, something fun and unexpected will happen to you.
Cancer
Spring has sprung! Go look at the birds and the flowers and the clouds and not at your giant pile of assignments. Don’t look at it. Nope. Stop that. You’ve spent too much time working. Your extreme dedication to your work has served you well, mostly. But it’s time to let loose and have some fun.
Leo
You’re a summer sign, Leo. You should be finalizing your summer plans right about now, if you have any. And, for the record, eating Cheetos while devouring everything Netflix has to offer counts as plans. You’re the type that is always trying to maximize on the in the sun. But sometimes it’s okay to do nothing and watch TV.
Virgo
You are kind and charitable. You are looking for a way to give selflessly to help others, and I have just the thing for you: the Atlanta Red Cross is always looking for blood donations. Give blood, and get free cookies. It’s a win-win!
Libra
This week has led you to evaluate how you feel about key issues. Just remember that it’s okay to disagree with popular opinions. Unless you’re wrong. In which case may you die in a pit of fire, you uninformed sack of bones.
Scorpio
Speaking of a sack of bones, may Dooley cancel one of your classes next week! In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that may happen.
Sagittarius
You’ve been up to your eyeballs in work, your many club obligations and fixing all of your friends’ problems. It’s time to take a break and play hooky one day next week.
Capricorn
Good luck defending your thesis! Even if you’re not a senior in an honors program. You never know when you may need to defend an academic paper about why Lucky Charms should only include marshmallows.
Aquarius
Take care of your body, Aquarius. Eat right, exercise and get lots of sleep. Also treat your body to pizza every once in a while because, hey, the body wants what it wants.
Pisces
There are a lot of spring holidays, religious and whatnot. I don’t want to offend anyone by getting something wrong, so … Happy National Have Fun at Work Day (April 1), National Love Your Produce Manager Day (April 2) and National No Housework Day (April 7). I feel like you’re celebrating that last one early this year. I recommend throwing a party.
Horoscopes by Grace Cummings
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