Doolino Knows Best: Falling Apart

Dear Doolino,

It’s been three weeks since I last did my laundry, and I’ve been wearing the same free T-shirt I got from Wonderful Wednesday for days. I think people are starting to notice.  I don’t want to be that guy who wears the same clothes every day like a cartoon character. What do I do?

From,

The Clothes on my Back

 

Dear The Clothes on my Back,

What should you do, you ask?

Obviously, your laundry.

Sincerely,

Doolino

 

Dear Doolino,

Last night at 8 p.m., I felt it. I sat alone in the DUC-ling, munching on pasta drowned in meat sauce and gazing out at ultimate frisbee practice on McDonough Field, my view periodically interrupted by a late gym-goer. All was well until my fifth bite of pasta, when I recoiled and wrinkled my nose in disgust. The pasta, once warm and hearty, turned cold and bland. Unsure whether I was imagining things, I turned toward my fruit salad, only to find it had the same empty, soulless taste. Since that night, I’ve been skirting around the DUC-ling, opting to cash in on my Dooley dollars instead. Alas, Dooley dollars will only get me so far. What happened? Will I ever be able to step into the DUC-ling again?

Yours truly,

Hungry Hippo

 

Dear Hungry Hippo,

First, yes, you will step into the DUC-ling again, not because you want to, but because your Dooley dollars will run out.

Second, nothing is wrong with the food. Take a second to think back to that first moment you stepped into the DUC-ling in August and the awe you felt for the selection before you. Since that moment, the food hasn’t changed —  you have.

Remember a few weeks ago when you actually had time to hang out with friends and go to those club meetings you signed up for? How enthusiastic you were to venture out and try new things? Well, look at you now, eating dinner alone at 8 p.m. Some time between that midterm paper and your weekly bio quiz, you’ve forgotten that you have not only a body to feed, but also a spirit.

The next time you go to the DUC-ling, take a friend. Or, better yet, find some hallmates with whom you can cook a meal. Go for a stroll during your study break instead of scrolling through your phone. There is nothing wrong with the food at the DUC-ling, but it won’t fulfill what you’re truly craving: friendship.

Sincerely,

Doolino

 

Dear Doolino,

I fell asleep on my laptop last night while writing a midterm paper, and now all I have a seven-page document filled with the letter “J.” My suitemate, who is in the same class, stayed up all night and finished on time to turn it in the next morning. After a quick peek at her desk, I discovered her secret: Red Bull, 5-hour Energy and venti Americanos.

I am not a big fan of coffee, nor do I aspire to saturate myself with energy drinks. I enjoy the occasional English breakfast tea, but I feel wrong forcing my body to stay awake with cup after cup of caffeine. Nonetheless, I want good grades in my classes. Should I stand my ground and struggle through the long, unforgiving nights?

From,

Asleep in Atlanta

 

Dear Asleep in Atlanta,

I’m sure you’ve heard dozens of times that your health is more important than your grades. Theoretically, this is true. Practically, though, we all love our grades very much.

I myself am not much of a coffee drinker (I haven’t had anything to drink in years), but as a formerly caffeine-dependent professor  told me a very, very long time ago, “Live in moderation.” Perhaps don’t gorge yourself with caffeine concoctions like your suitemate (by the way, you might want to check in on her), but enjoy a warm brew now and then when you feel your eyes drooping.

Or, better yet, opt for other, cheaper methods to stay awake. Some people prefer a cold shower. Others just need a big bag of potato chips. I’ve found that a good slap does the trick.

Sincerely,

Doolino

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